Page 60 of Give Me Peace

“God, I missed you,” Kash mumbles, the words tickling my skin and making me scrunch my shoulder. I can practically feel the grin he’s sporting.

“I saw you last night!” I laugh, trying to shove him away, but he just holds me tighter.

“Too long,” Kash growls, spinning me around and carrying me to the bed, leaving the snack pile in the middle as he takes the other side. “I would’ve been here sooner had my asshole brother not drugged me,” he gripes, looking thoroughly put out.

“Wait. What?” I look at him in horror, thinking of the needle Liam jammed in my thigh. The quick spread of the sedative and the loss of control that hit my body in a matter of seconds. I swallow thickly, pushing past the lump in my throat. There’s no way Krew would do that. He couldn’t.

“Hey.” Kash interrupts my mental freakout, pressing his hand to my cheek to get my attention. “Not like you’re thinking, sweetness. He gave me a sleeping pill. I had them prescribed years ago, but I seldom need them anymore. I hate taking them because they’re strong and knock me on my ass. Krew was right to give it to me, though. I was panicked, desperate to get back here and fix everything. I’m not healthy when I get to that state, and I damn sure didn’t need to be around you.” He gives me an imploring look, then sweeps his thumb over my bottom lip before pulling back.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, feeling guilty that shutting him out caused such a reaction.

Kash is shaking his head before I even finish speaking. “You have nothing to be sorry for. We fucked up. But for the record, it killed me to keep it from you. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t because a part of me agreed and worried that you’d want to bait Liam. I can’t think about you being in danger like that, Saylor. It’s not a reality I’m willing to entertain.” Kash flexes his hand, his jaw clenched tightly. It’s rare to see him so worked up and serious. It instantly makes me miss that easygoing smile and his playful demeanor. I lean over, pressing my lips to his cheek, but he turns at the last second and I connect with his mouth. We both smile, laughing as we pull away.

“So much better than candy,” he groans, licking his lips with exaggeration. I roll my eyes, grabbing a bag of chips to snack on as Kash gets my laptop from the dresser. He logs into Netflix, picking a random comedy before settling back against a stack of pillows. Holding his arm out, he waits for me to snuggle closer. With my head rested on his chest, I get lost in the movie. Every time Kash shakes with laughter it brings a smile to my face. He makes it impossible to stay mad at him, but if I’m being honest, they all do. All it takes is being near them and I’m completely disarmed.

We binge on junk, watching movie after movie. When I suggest something in the horror genre just to get a rise out of him, he tickles me until I can’t breathe. It’s the perfect way to end the day, like Kash somehow knew I wasn’t ready to face them all just yet, so he barricaded us in here to give me some more time. It’s after midnight when he powers off the laptop. My eyes are heavy with sleep as I bundle beneath the covers. Kash’s arm snakes around my waist, pulling me back so we’re pressed together. Brushing my hair aside, he drops a kiss to my neck. I sigh, refusing to overthink. Instead, I take Danielle’s advice and simply do what feels right. And being here, wrapped in him, that feels inexplicably right.

“Do you forgive me?” Kash whispers, his words barely penetrating through the fog of exhaustion blanketing me. I roll so I’m facing him, tucking my face in the crook of his neck.

“Yes,” I answer, pressing my lips to his throat. Kash squeezes me, his audible exhale giving away his relief. We fall asleep just like that, twined together, and not once do I wake from a nightmare.

When my eyes do open, it’s from something far more pleasant. It takes me a minute to come around, but when I do, I realize Kash is drawing lazy circles on my stomach. Which means my shirt is pushed up. My entire body flushes with heat as I press my lips together. It’s obvious he’s awake, but I’m not sure what the protocol is for letting him know that I am, too. Would he still be doing that if he knew I was? I’m torn between wanting him to continue, but also needing the bathroom. After a few more seconds pass, I can’t help but wiggle.

Kash groans, his hand sliding up until he’s cupping my breast. My eyes widen, but it seems he’s just as shocked the action because he springs up, nearly falling off the bed in his haste. I slowly turn over, noting how flustered he looks. He rakes his fingers though the disheveled curls, his eyes flitting around the room, focusing on anything but me. I bite my tongue, fighting back a smile.

“Morning,” he croaks, attempting to clear his throat. Several times.

“You touched my boob.” I tease him, jumping right to the chase and addressing the awkwardness hanging between us. His face goes slack as he blinks at me, a choked sound falling past his parted lips.

“On accident!” Kash holds both hands up innocently. He looks absolutely petrified that he’s offended me. And that right there is how I know he’s intrinsically good. He’d never do anything I didn’t want or wasn’t ready for. Needing to set his mind at ease, I climb from the bed, adjusting my shirt as I go. Stopping in front of him, I smile sweetly, secretly loving the way his rapt attention is all for me.

Leaning up, I give him a quick kiss, not wanting to deepen it without having brushed my teeth. “Well, that’s too bad.” I bite my bottom lip, wondering who the hell just took over my body and said those words. I can feel the blush ignite across my cheeks, embarrassment surging to the forefront. Kash’s eyes widen, but then a smirk lifts the corner of his mouth. I drop my head, shocked by my own forwardness, but he just chuckles. The sound is low and filled with assuredness once again. It makes me squirm for reasons I refuse to think about right now.

“I’ll go make breakfast. See you soon, sweetness.” Kash winks, leaving me alone with my thoughts. As soon as the door shuts behind him, I exhale loudly. Same as last night, I push away the worry that tries to take over and head to the bathroom. I take a quick shower, throwing my hair up since I don’t need to wash it. After brushing my teeth, I walk to my closet to find something to wear. I’ve gotten so used to wearing the guys’ stuff around the house, but I’d like to look a little more put together today. I need the armor. I find a cute pair of cut-off denim shorts, and pair it with a plain white crop top. I can finally wear a bra again, even though I’d much rather go without.

When I’ve procrastinated for far too long, I take a deep breath and pull my door open. As luck would have it, Havok is coming out at the same time as me. He stops dead in his tracks, his icy blue gaze taking me in from head to toe. I watch his throat bob as he appraises me. I’ve always felt like I didn’t meet his standards when he’d look at me, but not anymore. Now it feels like I exceed them. It’s heady and confusing, trying to blend the two versions of him.

“Hey, pretty girl.” Havok smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He runs his tongue over his teeth, turning his attention from me. We stand there quietly, neither of us moving or talking. And then he looks back at me and squares his shoulders. He walks forward, leaving only an inch or two between us, and takes my hand. He laces his fingers with mine and brings it to his mouth, pressing a sweet kiss to our joined knuckles. “I’m so fucking sorry, Say.”

“I know,” I tell him, because it’s obvious how torn up he is.

“I promised I’d never hurt you again, but I did.” Shame washes over him, but he’s being way too hard on himself. It wasn’t Havok alone that got us to this point, and I’m also at fault for reacting as shitty as I did. I could’ve handled it better.

“We’ll talk things out, but for now, can we go get breakfast? All I had to eat yesterday was junk, and I’m pretty sure Kash made pancakes.” I smile, giving his hand a squeeze.

“We can do whatever you want, pretty girl.” Havok winks, oblivious to how it affects me when he does that. It should be outlawed. He leads us to the kitchen, the sweet scent of powdered sugar and maple syrup growing stronger the closer we get. The guys are all present, as expected, and their eyes follow me as I take a seat at the island. Roan sits next me, his blank gaze staring straight ahead. Lochlan and Krew are actually seated at the dining table. They’re both sipping on cups of coffee, watching me like a ticking time bomb.

Kash slides a plate in front of me, filled with a stack of pancakes and three slices of extra crispy bacon. I smile appreciatively, ignoring the butterflies taking flight in my stomach from the sweet gesture. Going with my gut, I pick my food up and walk over to take the empty seat by Lochlan. He sets his mug down carefully, eyeing the weak smile I give him suspiciously. Looking at Krew, who’s seated in front of me, I do the same. It doesn’t take long for Roan and Havok to join us, their plates overflowing in comparison to mine.

Kash is the last one to grab some food, but instead of taking the free chair next to me, he picks me up and takes mine, placing me on his lap once he’s seated. I squeak, my eyes flaring wide as I glance around the table. I try to move away but he just holds me tighter. Havok narrows his eyes at the intimate position but doesn’t say anything.

“Sweetness,” Kash grunts. “I need you to quit moving your ass like that.” His words are whispered against my ear, but there’s no mistaking he said something to make me blush.

“Favorite fucking color,” Havok grumbles around a mouth full of pancake.

When it’s clear I won’t be going anywhere, I sigh and settle in. To my annoyance and gleeful little heart, Kash proceeds to cut my food up and feed it to me. I moan around the first bite, causing him to bang his head against my shoulder. Faintly, I hear him counting to ten, murmuring something about restraint. I catch Krew’s eye, smirking at the look he gives me. It’s obvious I’m messing with his brother, but he’s the one who insisted on being used as a chair and treating me like a toddler who doesn’t know how to use eating utensils.

“Saylor, I think I speak for all of us when I say how sorry I am for keeping you in the dark. The blame lies more on me than it does them.” Someone, Roan I think, mutters ‘bullshit’ under their breath. “From this point on, you’ll be included in everything.” I look at Lochlan, weighing his words. The only hesitation I find, and it might just be me overanalyzing, is the ‘this point forward’ part. Are there other things I don’t know about?