Page 79 of The Logic of Loyalty

“It’s not true.”

“Okay, I get that. Most rumors aren’t true. What happened? What’s wrong?” Who do I need to break into little pieces?

Her hands fiddle with the hem of her shirt, and she avoids my gaze as I try to catch her eyes. “People are saying that Carri left because Josh and I—” She trails off again, her voice getting smaller, and I’m getting more pissed off.

“What the fuck are people saying about you?”

She huffs. “They’re saying that I wrecked their marriage. That I’m the reason Carri left. That I’m the reason you left. That Josh picked me because I’m … easy.”

Red coats my vision, but I smother the fury with all of the control I have available to me. “This is all my fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. I will fix this.”

Her eyes flash to me at my pronouncement, but it’s not gratitude written there, but resentment. Ouch. Fucking Ouch ouch.

“I know that I’ve done nothing wrong.” Her posture loosens, and she drags her attention to the door. “Look, I’m tired. You agreed you’d wait to pay off the loan and told me about it all. Do you need anything else from me?”

“Can I know your next appointment?”

“Two weeks.”

“Can I see them?”

Her answer is a whisper. “I don’t know.”

So there’s a chance. “Yeah, okay.”

We stand in silence. We don’t move to one another, or apart—I’m not even sure if she looks at me again. I feel her presence ease into my bones, and despite being given no reprieve in our discussion, I feel my soul relax. This is where I’m meant to be. I finally look over to see her staring into space once again. “Do you—” I rack my brain for something I can offer her. “Do you want a massage or something?”

Paige whips her head in my direction, anger lining her face, but right when I think she’s going to let loose, she barks out a laugh.

“You’re. A. Moron.” She gasps out between giggles.

My lips twitch, but her words have a deep impact on me.

Watching my lifelong love stand in front of me, and knowing that I’ve lost the privilege to touch her? Yeah. I’m a pretty big fucking moron.

Chapter Twenty-Five

PAIGE

Itossed and turned through the entirety of the night. Images of Trevor at eighteen kept playing through my mind, but as hard as I tried, I could hardly remember him around the time Jacob was born. Everything outside of the NICU is faded and unclear in my memory. I was focused, locked in on one thing alone, and that was our child—tiny and helpless and hooked up to so many wires. As the night progressed, my mind filled in the missing details.

Over and over again, my smiling, kind, fun-loving husband walks to the cold, darkness of the place he used to live, clutching a crumpled-up piece of paper. His father opens the massive, creaking door—only getting larger and more demon-like through each new replay in my mind. At some point, Trevor transformed into Jacob, and his father turned into him.

I gave up on sleep entirely after that version and started pacing.

Doing what Trevor’s father did is mind-boggling to me. I hate how much more I understand about the last decade with his family. I hate how much sense his choices make to me. I hate how right it felt to have him home with me.

“Nothing in that damn contract said please find your coworker attractive. Please touch her. Or Please don’t tell your wife about anything.” I pause. My pacing. “Okay, it did say something about that.”

I sit on the end of my bed. “He is paying our full, massive loan alone.” Wait, so that means—I look at my beautiful bedroom in my gorgeous house on our lovely piece of land. “So all of this?” How wealthy is my husband? If he’s been paying this whole time, and we still have the house and no concerns for any payments, summer classes, camps, activities, doctor appointments—nothing. How much has he had to worry in the background?

My coffee is hot and ready for me. I block out the world around me and savor some sips while I sit back on my couch.

He didn’t have to hide it from me. I can fault Trevor for plenty, but I know deep in my soul that he would have cut off his own leg and sold it on the black market before he pulled what his father did to him. I wrap my hands more securely around my comforting cup of coffee and watch out my window as the sun begins to light the sky. I jump out of my skin when my phone rings. I recognize the ringtone, but don’t know what in the world he could want.

“Yeah?”

“Paige.” He breathes out my name like a benediction. He has no right.