Page 78 of The Logic of Loyalty

“I didn’t think you’d care that I was gone because you avoided me all night and didn’t respond to my messages⁠—”

“I didn’t get your messages, and you smelled like her!”

“I didn’t know the messages weren’t being sent, and I didn’t know I smelled because you didn’t tell me—” Shut up, you fucking idiot.

“So that’s it? That’s why you dated her, huh? I’m supposed to just forgive you now that you’ve given me this—” Her hand flutters between us. “Excuse for dating another woman? Give you pa-pats on the head and a kiss on your cheek?”

“No, that’s not—that’s not it.”

“Then what is it, Trevor? What is it?”

“You. You are it.” I run my hand down my face. “You are my solace. You comb away all of the darkness, the doubt, the worry that is inside of me, and sweep it away. When I am near you, those voices in my head telling me all of the ways that I am failing go away. They go quiet. That day, you turned your back on—er, avoided me, and I reacted poorly.”

She rears back, eyes wide. “So it’s my fault⁠—”

“Absolutely not. No. It’s me. My choices, my failures. It is not your fault that … I am the one who let Krista become a version of that for me at work. I am the one who made the choices to let those boundaries fade.” I reach back into my pocket and smooth over the cool feel of the rock. “I was never trying or desiring to date Krista.” Paige flinches at her name, and I hate myself for it. “I know it all looks bad. Now I’ve looked at things with some distance and clarity. Now I think about that night, and all of the ways I could have done things differently. That day, that weekend was a pure betrayal through your eyes, and I hate it. I hate myself for the pain I caused the most important person in my life. My world.”

She stands like a statue in the middle of the floor. Her eyes remain fixed on my face, her chin tilted in defiance, and her arms crossed rigidly across her chest. The position makes the shirt she’s wearing pull tight on her belly, and I suck in a breath at the bump revealed there. “I was so stuck in what I was going through that I didn’t consider you, and that is the biggest regret of my life.”

“Things wouldn’t have looked so bad here if you had established boundaries there.”

“I know.”

Her shoulders relax, but her eyes close, blocking me from reading them.

“I will spend the rest of our lives making it up to you. My next step is finally paying this loan off and removing us from the chokehold my father has on my life and our home.”

“There’s a lot happening in the lives of the people around us.”

“I was hoping to talk to Carter, but he might be distracted by his own shit show.”

“Maybe talk to him anyway? Give him a choice?”

I nod, considering. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

“Can you wait to pay off your father, though? Still continue with your exit, but wait to alert him? Maybe by paying him the day you plan on leaving⁠—”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” I look at my pregnant wife and want nothing more than to help her. “Is there anything I can do to help you? Untangle anything? Cook you anything?”

“Get Carter to figure out his shit and maybe what the hell that red-haired bitch is doing or has done.” Damn, Paige. “Get Bethany removed from your parents and Bobby.” She ticks these off her hand. “Figure out why Josh isn’t—no. Never mind. Don’t do that part.”

“Isn’t what?” My voice drops an octave, completely out of my control. He’s supposed to be safe.

She sighs and lifts her shoulders in a shrug. The sound of a car passing by fills the silence before she finally answers. “Why he’s giving me hardly any hours anymore. Only, there are rumors already spreading, so that must be⁠—”

“Rumors?” My mind latches onto Bobby from this morning. I almost keep it to myself, not wanting to add to her stress. “Bobby threatened me today. He said, ’If you told that old man or your sister what you think you saw, you’re going to regret it. Shit is already brewing.’ Maybe that’s part of it?”

“He said that to you? But you already told your father and Bethany?”

“He seems to think that she and my father are both in the dark.”

“What the hell …” Her face scrunches up from its fury into something more thoughtful. “You think he’s spreading all of these rumors?”

“What rumors?”

“Seriously? You haven’t heard them?”

I shrug. “I’ve been working, sleeping, or hanging with Jacob. I’ve not gotten out much, no.” To my astonishment, Paige looks unsure and uncomfortable, and my heart starts racing. “What is it, Paige?”