Page 46 of The Logic of Loyalty

“Okay, so then I told you Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday—” She counts the days out on her fingers and holds up her hand so I’m fully aware. “Five days ago, she was getting too close. July first. Remember? Do you remember that day?”

“Yes. But you don’t underst⁠—”

“Don’t. You. Dare say that I don’t understand you, you Neanderthal!”

“Paige, that’s not⁠—”

“Fair? Are you actually going to say fair? Do you know what’s not fair? Having my concerns dismissed, only to be proven right. And what do I get for being right?” She pauses for a breath. “Devastation.” Paige steps away from me, running her hands through her hair, shaking her head. She walks to the other side of the room, then walks right back, finger outstretched toward me. “Do me a favor. Stop talking. I sat and listened to you spew nothing but a bunch of bologna and excuses for what felt like days, so now it’s your turn to listen.”

I want nothing more than to fight her on this point, but instead, I nod.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions. I want you to answer them. Straightforward. Don’t hedge. In fact, just nod or shake your head unless I tell you otherwise. Do you understand? Nod yes or no.”

I nod again.

“Did you spend your lunches with her, privately, for weeks?” I open my mouth, but she slashes her hand. “Just nod yes or no.”

I nod.

“Have you had lunch with your son or me once since those lunches started?”

I nod.

She hisses, “During the work week.”

“Work has⁠—”

“Trevor, the instructions are not difficult. Nod or shake your head. Maybe pay a little attention to what is happening here.”

I shake my head.

“Do you think she’s attractive”

I choke on my words and nod again. My gorgeous wife’s face goes blank.

“Did you touch her?”

I open my mouth, then close it when she narrows her eyes. I nod.

“Did you allow her to hold your hand in the middle of a family dinner?”

I can’t help but ask a question here. “What are you talking about?”

Her eyes glint with anger as her voice hits a dangerous whisper. “At dinner on Saturday, after supposedly all of these terrible things happened, did you let that woman hold your hand in front of your entire family?”

I drop my chin to my chest and give one brief jerk of my head.

“Taking away all of your pretty reasons and pretty little lies you tell yourself, it sounds a lot like you were cheating on me, Trevor.”

I jerk my head back up. “No! God no, Paige. Look. I know that things looked bad, but I-I was out of my mind. I was trying to put everything together, and the way my parents seemed to be encouraging it all? I wasn’t thinking about holding someone’s stupid fucking hand.” Desperation is raging through me. This conversation is not supposed to go this way. This isn’t right.

“Trevor, what about this—” Her hand moves, indicating her and me. “If you can’t think or control a situation, why should I trust you to behave in a way that honors and respects me and our marriage?”

“Because I love you!” I bellow the words, and she flinches as if I hit her. I want to gather her into my arms, but instead, I take a step back.

“Your love is starting to feel a lot like pain.” My heart and soul fracture at the words, spoken so quietly and plainly from the love of my life.

“Paige?” My voice cracks, and I can’t continue because … I don’t have anything I can say.