Page 111 of The Logic of Loyalty

Trevor shakes his head. “I regret it. Every day. Even while it was happening, I was regretting it and imagining I was with you at home, watching the fireworks.”

“That was dumb of you.”

He snorts. “Yeah. I hope we can agree that the entire night was really fucking dumb of me.” We’re both silent until he speaks up. “I grew comfortable being in her space while working with her, and she would adjust my tie, flick things off my shirt, give me a reassuring or warning squeeze on my arm when my father was near. Small, easy touches that I reciprocated casually.”

I pause my motions and close my eyes, feeling the words dig into my heart with claws. “So it was easy to be with her.”

“Yeah. It was. But I never—how do I explain this? I never wanted her beyond at the office as a friend from work. I know the term emotional affair is used in these situations a lot, but I feel like it wasn’t quite so cozy or even emotional as all that. I didn’t want her.”

I bob my head and hand him a new dish. “I think of it as where you make an attachment with a person who is not your significant other and give them things that you should be giving to your spouse or partner.” I pause, feeling suddenly guilty. “I believe that is what Carri assumed was happening between Josh and me.”

Trevor grunts. “Do you feel that way?”

I shake my head. “I cried once, and he comforted me. There were also casual touches, but it wasn’t anything special to Josh. I’m a casual toucher in general. You are not. I also didn’t give him my worries, my emotions, my thoughts and feelings. You did. You gave those things to her.” My voice cuts out on that last accusation.

“You’re right.” He takes the cutting board, dries it, and this time, walks away to put it in the cabinet.

I’m right. “Have you ever—uh—” I start scrubbing a butcher’s knife next. “Pictured her while you—Um …”

“While I what, Paige?” I look at him while he’s reaching into the cabinet. His hair is longer than his usual meticulous maintenance, so it sticks up a little in an admittedly sexy way. He looks over and locks eyes with me. I jerk my head back to what I’m doing.

“Oh, shit. Ouch.” My pointer finger burns and immediately swells up with blood. I pop it into my mouth to try and keep it from making a bloody mess on what we’ve already cleaned. I can’t believe I⁠—

Trevor is here in a heartbeat, materializing from across the kitchen. His hands latch onto me, strong but gentle, as he pulls me away from the sink. “What happened?” He has me lodged between him and the counter as his concerned eyes dart between mine, then drop to where I shoved my finger into my mouth. They narrow, and he gently coaxes my hand out. I release my finger with a pop, and when my cut is exposed, he hisses between his teeth.

“Oh, honey.” He reaches over me and starts fiddling with the faucet, leaning into me as he does so, until he makes a satisfied grunt. Then he guides me from my place nestled between his thighs to face the sink. He pulls my hand to sit under the cold running water, making me flinch. “Oh, shush. It’ll feel better than hot water. Now, don’t move.” I stand still, and he grabs our first aid kit. I grumble, but he cuts me off.

“No. I know what you’re going to say, but this is not just for Jacob. It’s for the house. Now, let me take care of you.” He doesn’t look at me while digging for the supplies, making a small pile on top of the counter. When he’s done, I watch as his shoulders rise and fall, as if he’s taking a deep breath to prepare for … something. When he turns back to me, his face is neutral. “Okay, we’re going to dry off your cut. I’m going to see how deep it is, and then we are going to decide if it’s worth a hospital visit⁠—”

“Hospital! What in the world⁠—”

He continues as if I hadn’t spoken. “Or if it’s something that we can take care of here and now.”

I grumble, but acquiesce. He pulls my hand carefully from the stream of water and up to his face to inspect more closely. I suck in a breath when he blows on it, making my skin prickle. “It’s not a burn!” I jerk my hand, but he ignores me, again. “Trevor.”

He nods to himself or to me. “It’s not too bad.” He pops my finger into his mouth and sucks, sending a jolt through my entire body. His eyes go wide as saucers as he stares at me, pulling my finger back out. “Shit, shit. I’m so—I wasn’t thinking.” Color rises along the ridges of his cheeks, and I can’t stop my grin at his embarrassment. It’s adorable. He puts my hand back under the faucet and turns the water back on, checking the temperature before going back into the kit. “I—sorry. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable.” Not in the way you mean.

“I—it—you—shit.” He sighs, meeting my amused gaze. “I fell into old habits. I’m sorry I crossed a line.”

“You had your hand around my throat, telling me you wanted to suck on my leaky tits just yesterday.”

If possible, his eyes grow wider, and his blush grows darker. “I did do that, didn’t I?” He jerks his attention from me and clears his throat, but I don’t miss his eyes dipping to my—admittedly engorged breasts.

I nod wordlessly, considering him as he starts to bandage my tiny cut with extreme care. I’ve always loved the way he takes care of me. “I liked it.” I squeeze my legs together and tamp down the shiver.

Trevor drops the bandaid, cussing as he bends over to grab it. “Uh, yeah. It was—you were good. Great. Perfect.” His fingers tense around mine before loosening again.

“Are you going to answer my question?”

“Hmm?” He finishes with the Blue’s Clues Band-Aid, but he doesn’t let me go.

“About Krista?”

“What the fuck about her?” He growls, squeezing my fingers again, only slightly, but enough to make me wince. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. Jesus, I’m an idiot.” He drops my hand like it’s burning him and takes a few steps back, taking my air with him.

“Stop, wait.” He freezes with his hands raised. “I hate when you call yourself names. And I’m talking about, picturing Krista at any point while you—um—” I look to the ceiling for guidance.