Page 39 of Indebted

I stared at him, helpless. “I didn’t know.” I hadn’t cared. I didn’t even know how my own mother died—that she’d had a drug problem. What if…what if I could’ve helped someway, somehow?

A big arm wrapped around me, pulling me against the strong planes of Justin’s chest. I clung to his shirt, uncaring if I wrinkled it. Letting it all sink in for a minute.

For the first time, those strange conversations between Justin and I started to make sense.

“You feel guilty,” my voice came out muffled against his shirt, but by the way he tensed, I knew he heard me.

“I should’ve put it together sooner, hidden the keys to the clinic, gotten her help.”

“You think I blame you for her death.”

The hand rubbing up and down my arm, froze. “Don’t you?”

What did I even say to that? My blame suddenly seemed so…petty compared to the guilt Justin’s been carrying this whole time.

“Is that why you paid for my schooling?”

He was quiet for a long moment. “No. I paid for your schooling because I wanted to, because ever since your mother introduced us, I couldn’t shake you from my thoughts.”

I sucked in a quick breath of air. Justin’s arm tightened around me as if afraid I’d pull away.

We’d only met once in person, as if my mom was all too ready to shut the chapter of her life with me in it.

Silence crept between us before Justin’s low voice broke it. “Does that bother you?”

It should. But instead it made my stomach flip.

“Even when you were with her?”

The sigh he let loose had me sinking further against his body. “I’m not going to sugar coat things for you Katie. I’m not a good man.” Yes he was, he was fighting for a clinic in low-income neighborhoods to help fix birth deformities, or those who suffered from accidents that didn’t have funds to find help themselves. What kind of evil man did that? But I didn’t dare interrupt him as he continued. “The first and only time I met you, I knew there was something special about you, something that drew me in. You were young and it was wrong. I cared about your mother, I did, but very quickly it became apparent that what she wanted wasn’t a connection to someone, but a connection to money.” I could have told him that, mom’s strict upbringing left her obsessed with material things—name brand items, including alcohol and pills apparently. I felt like I didn’t even know her at all.

“She can be very convincing,” I consoled him. It was part of her charm, those few glimpses into what kind of mother she could’ve been kept me coming back, kept me hopeful that one day she’d wake up and realize how much of a great daughter I was. That I’d be enough to keep her.

It was why I kept this shitty blanket.

I suddenly wanted to throw it in a dumpster.

“She was,” he sounded lost in thought. “But I never stopped thinking about you.”

My pulse quickened and part of me feared he’d feel it with my body pressed so close to his.

“As I said before, Katie,” my name came out gruff and it sent a shiver down my spine. “I’m not a good man. I thought about you, asked about you more than I should’ve, found myself imagining what if…”

The comforting position we were in suddenly felt much more erotic. My nipples were hard against his chest, my face buried in his shirt, my core flush with his hip. One tiny maneuver, and I could be straddling him. The only thing holding me back was my precious laptop balanced over his thighs.

Beneath my ear his heart pounded, strong and fast.

Was that because of me?

I licked my parched lips. “Is that why you stayed away?” I swore I’d never ask, that I’d never dig into why they didn’t want me, but everything was flipped on its side now. Had Justin stayed away from me for other reasons? Because he’d been attracted to me?

Fortifying my courage, I looked up and found him frowning, confusion written all over his face. “Away…?”

A knock came from my door, startling me.

“You okay in there, Niña?” Mrs. Ramirez’s voice came through the door.

The pills Justin gave me must’ve started working because when I swallowed it didn’t hurt as bad. “I’m fine.”