Page 20 of The Death of Kisses

I thought the gloved fingers were the worst part of it, but no. It was the way he was so kind about it. Cooing words of encouragement like he wasn’t raping me. The distorted image of him wrapped around me as I listed things I hated.

Pancakes. Lemons. Road Rage. Cars. Movies. Late people. Men.

Disassociating only took me back to the moment.

My pussy spasmed as he thrusted slowly, rhythmically, as if he enjoyed the act as much as he could, the world slowed to an aching crawl as I stared into that puddle. Rain sizzled against my hot skin as my body no longer pleaded in protest. The worst thing a person can do is nothing so I went back to memorizing his features, though distorted. He smelled like tobacco and cedar, some lemon hints when he leaned close whispering, “You’re doing so good.”

I added cedar to the list of things I hated as I bit my lips so hard I could taste the metal of my blood. It was better with the pain, if I could hold onto the pain I would hate myself less. But as my pussy clenched around his cock while he thrusted I knew it was pointless. There wasn’t anything I could do to stop the pleasure as it rewired my brain and pushed past the pain.

The man snaked his hand down my front and began rubbing my clitoris in time with his thrusts, like that was the moment he was waiting for himself. Wetness pooled between my legs as he picked up his pace. Thrusting so hard my face scraped against the asphalt, my body nothing but a pile of bones and muscles beneath him as I sobbed to a sky that cried back.

Rain covered my screams and mumbled pleas as the pleasure shot through me. My hair matted with the alleyways dirt as he continued to hammer into me and flick my clitoris pulling moans I never wanted to pass from my lips.

Everything felt slow and sticky, like my mind wasn’t getting enough oxygen to feed thought to my body only relying on the sensation of his cock as it thrusted in at a faltered pace. My pussy tightening with each new intrusion and my breath hitching as the moment arrived.

The timing of it was too perfect, like he had planned to make me come and it’s what sent him over the edge. My stomach rocked against the concrete as his pace quickened, there was nothing I could do to stop it so I pinched my eyes closed and waited.

A scream ripped through me as I came, he grunted stilling himself as I spasmed against him. When he was finished I didn’t move, didn’t open my eyes, didn’t dare stray from that spot. I laid there until the rain stopped and my body no longer felt like one of Andy’s toys when he walked into the room.

Some higher power took over my body because I don’t remember driving myself home. I didn’t remember showering. All I remember was the hollowness I felt at being raped. Locking myself in my bedroom I cried myself to sleep.

14

STUDY NOTES

Present day - October 16th- Town of PineRidge - Population 5025 - 18 yr old

Three hours late. I can already feel the crushing weight of my dad’s fury if he finds out. Heart pounding, I hurried through the school doors, my footsteps frantic as I dropped my bag into the locker, desperation rising with every second. I steal a quick glance at my phone, praying for a miracle, terrified of what’s to come.

Savannah: Girl where are you?

Savannah: I cannot believe you aren’t coming to pick me up.

Savannah: Anna, seriously you were my ride to school.

Savannah: Alright I am calling Kimmy, I hope whatever happened last night was worth ditching me.

Savannah: Seriously you aren’t even showing for school?

Savannah: You missed a great fight. That new girl punched Jake in the face.

Savannah: Are you alive?

Savannah: Hellooooo

Savannah: Earth to Annabelle

Savannah: Do I need to skip?

She and I started typing at the same time.

Me: Sorry. I overslept. Here now.

Savannah: Thank god you responded, I was about to send Search and Rescue for you.

Me: Yeah… I’ll see you at lunch.

I slammed my locker shut with a force that echoed through the hallway, fear and adrenaline pounding in my chest as I hurried towards the nearest classroom, desperate to escape the looming threat of detention for sneaking into school so late.