Page 58 of SEAL of Valor

“No, Cowboy needs to blow off steam. I’m happy to help.” His tone is clipped, his expression angry. Still, he knows what happened the last time Reese broke me. Is he afraid I’ll go off the deep end again?

Two weeks ago, I would have said that I’d be fine.

But now? I’m headed straight for the edge of a cliff I’d love nothing more than to jump from.

Zane quickly wraps his knuckles, then slips his mouthguard in and crosses into the ring. After rolling his shoulders, he bounces on the balls of his feet and takes his stance.

I move forward, charging with the pure desire to burn off as much energy as I can. Zane moves to the side and slams his fist into my back. Pain shoots through me as I fall forward, but I use it to my advantage and roll onto the mat, then bounce back up and spin toward him.

He moves to the side and blocks a kick before dropping down and swinging out his legs to bring me down to the mat. My lungs burn, muscles on fire, but I still get back up. So long as I can stand, I’ll get back up.

“You’re doing it again,” Zane says.

“Doing what?” I charge forward and grab him around the waist, taking him down to the mat.

Zane drives his elbow down between my shoulders, loosening my grip enough that he rolls free and gets up to his feet. “Trying to kill the pain rather than facing it.”

Anger surges through me, and I sprint forward toward him. He moves out of the way, and I hit the ropes.

Ryker, Sawyer, and now Garrison are all watching, arms crossed, expressions taut.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snap.

Zane rushes forward and grabs me, putting me into a headlock. I slam my fist into his ribs. Once. Twice. But I can’t get enough leverage to actually make it hurt. He releases me, shoving me forward onto the mat.

“You’re better than this, Weston. We both know it. You’ve spent your entire life trying to outrun what you’ve never wanted to face. First with your dad, then with Violet, and finally with Reese.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“The baby?” he asks. “The fact that the two of you were married?”

His words stop me in my tracks, and I stare over at him, hands curling into fists at my sides.

“Yeah, I know, Weston. I’ve known for a while now. Brenda brought it to my attention when she did deep backgrounds on all of you back when we first started.”

“How did she know?” I growl, fury burning a hole in my chest.

He’s known this whole time? Brenda knew? Who else knows?

“It was her job to know,” Zane snaps. He crosses toward me. “Then she made it mine. It all made sense once I found out, though, the fact that you were so intent on putting yourself in the ground or a prison cell after she left.” He stops just in front of me. “You want to take out your anger on someone? Take it out on me. But stop punishing yourself for what was out of your control.”

“My marriage failing was in my control.” I jam my finger into my chest, tears burning in the corners of my eyes. “I was so wrapped up in⁠—”

“In what?” Zane snaps as he moves in closer. “In burying your sister? In dealing with your mom, who couldn’t bother to be sober long enough to actually do anything to help?”

His words stop me in my tracks. The vice that has lived around my heart for longer than I can remember tightens its hold.

“You’ve dealt with more tragedies than you should have, but you don’t have to be one.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I take a step back, trying really hard to curb the anger burning me up from the inside.

“I’ve been by your side nearly our entire lives. I watched you find God in the midst of a childhood that—for lack of a better word—sucked. Then I watched you take hits from your dad, getting beaten bloody but refusing to say a word about it. Why do you think you like to take hits now? Because you can’t seem to figure out that you don’t deserve the pain, Weston.”

I shake my head, trying not to hear him.

“And after that? I watched you step into that father role for your sister, whom you had to bury. Brother, I watched you fall in love, then lose that love right on the heels of burying your sister.”

Closing my eyes, it’s a struggle to remain standing beneath the weight of everything he is laying on me.