Page 52 of Life, Love, and Other Messes

“And what happened tonight?”

Yeah, that. “I ran into Veronica at a party and I kind of made an ass of myself.”

“Just in front of Veronica or—”

“Nope, pretty much in front of Veronica and Ally and God and all our friends. I don’t think I’ll be seeing them again.”

“Okay. And your car?”

“I was crazy upset and out of control and then it all went dark and…It happens sometimes when I’m off my meds. I don’t know, really.”

“Okay. A little alarming. And the other guy?”

“The no parking sign on Central at Greenbriar. It wasn’t a person or anything.”

Lisa nodded, then was quiet for what felt like a long time. “And what were you doing in here?”

I couldn’t tell the truth. It was too much. I felt my thumb throb and opened my hand. “Looking for a Band-Aid I think?” I’d lost the napkin in the car at some point and there was quite a bit of blood smeared along my hand and fingers.

“Well then.” Her voice was a little surprised. “I can help you with that, but I’m going to need to turn on the light.”

I felt my shoulders drop, defeated. “Okay.”

“No, sit down. I’ve got it.” She moved with absolute assurance, finding the box of Band-Aids on the floor and moving a few bottles to run a washcloth under the faucet. She sat back next to me, and wiped the blood away gently, blotting in a sure way she must have practiced on one hundred tiny skinned knees. She’d wrapped a bandage around my thumb by the time she asked. “How’d that happen?”

“I was a little overzealous with my wine glass.”

Now, a small smile appeared on her lips, and she did nothing to extinguish it. “Oh for fuck’s sake.”

“Well.” I dared look into her eyes for the first time that evening. “Did you have a good trip?”

“It was amazing. I missed you.”

My heart skipped a beat. “I missed you too. You look wonderful.” She looked tan and relaxed and so happy and the words slid out of my mouth before I could think.

“You do too.” With that, she leaned close and kissed me.

Chapter Thirteen

I woke up early Sunday morning, the memory of the prior evening a massive blur. I lay there thinking for a few moments, then, when Ollie nudged my elbow, climbed out of bed and let him into the backyard. I leaned on the doorframe for a minute, watching him romp, smiling. Then he moved behind the bushes and started rotating, so instead of watching him take a dump, I got a glass from the cabinet, filled it with water, swallowed half of it. I thought about it for a moment, but I opened the other cabinet and emptied the usual handful of pills into my palm. I took them in one swallow.

I refilled Ollie’s water and kibble and let him in again, then started the shower. When I stepped in, I stood with the water hot on my face for a long time. Wow, the previous night had been a lot to process. I still wasn’t sure that I was done with that task, but one way or another I felt very normal. I hadn’t been sure if I’d wake up punishing myself for the scene at Grace’s or all nerves because of what had happened between Lisa and me, but I felt neither way.

We’d shared just that one kiss. It was short, and so sweet and gentle. It was like a physical version of the words she’d spoken to me. When it was over, our eyes had locked, but neither of us said anything. Lisa had pressed her forehead against mine and told me to get some sleep. I’d said I could use some. And I’d thanked her.

For what? For the kiss? For patching up my thumb? Or maybe just for being exactly who she was?

I threw on some comfortable clothes, got a soda and a banana, and sat at the computer for a while. It was a good writing morning; words were plentiful, but they just landed politely on the page in the perfect order instead of in an impatient rush, forcing me to type as fast as I could. Every few minutes, I stopped, let my head fall back, stared at the ceiling, and thought about that kiss.

It was almost noon when my phone buzzed. Ollie had been sleeping by my feet and he jumped and looked offended. Lisa Sutherland, it said.

Hey you.

I knew my heart should be pounding, but I still felt very calm. Hey. Did you sleep well?

Really well. Good to be back in my own bed. Wondering if you have time for a walk?

Now or later? We can be there in a couple minutes.