Page 56 of Dreaming Without Heartache

“I love you too, baby girl. With everything I have in me.” I wipe another tear from my cheek. I bite down on my lip to keep it together. When I glance up, Sam’s standing around the corner watching us. Her arms are folded over her chest. She steps forward, lowering herself beside us.

“Why don’t I get Maisie ready for bed?” she suggests softly. She runs her fingers through Maisie’s hair, combing it back from her face. “We can read any book you want, sweetheart. Would you like that?”

Maisie sniffles, then nods her head in agreement. “I need my pajamas.”

“Come here, honey.” Sam opens her arms, and Maisie’s little body melts into her embrace. Sam kisses the top of her head. “Let’s get you into those PJs, and then you can pick the story you want us to read.”

I wait until they are out of sight before going to Bill’s office. I pop the top of the Bulleit whiskey and pour a shot. Downing it in one gulp, wishing for the pain to go away, I immediately pour another. I know this isn’t a reasonable thing to do, but I don’t feel very reasonable right now. I take my glass, and the bottle, and sit behind the desk in Bill’s chair. I pick up the framed picture of my sister.

“Why did this have to happen? You need to be here. I’m so angry.” I drink the second pour knowing that she didn’t want to be gone either. She didn’t want to leave her children and life. “Why couldn’t the universe have left you and taken me? I have nothing to offer anyone. You were the good one.” A sob escapes as I hug her picture to my chest, wishing she was here to hug me back. “I need you, Annie. The girls need you,” I whisper.

I pour another drink and take my sad ass to the couch. I’m so ready for this brown liquid to numb my thoughts and ease my pain. How do I move forward with Kara? She doesn’t respect me. She has no fear of the consequences of her actions. She doesn’t care if she’s grounded or for how long. She’ll continue to act out. Her actions cause Maisie to have anxiety, and the stress leads to her wetting the bed. Yet, she seems to think her behavior has no effect on anyone.

“Hey, there.” Sam lightly taps on the frame of the door. “I thought you’d be in here.”

I wipe my eyes hurriedly, not wanting her to see my tears, running freely now. “Is Maisie asleep?”

Sam walks in, shutting the door behind her. “We only got five pages in when she drifted off.” She sits beside me. “How many of those have you had?” She points to the glass in my hand.

“Not enough.” I throw back the amber liquid. I do feel it, though. It’s definitely kicking in. “Want one?” I know she doesn’t drink whiskey, so the answer is obvious.

“Sure,” she says, catching me off guard. Then she leans in, her mouth pressing against mine. A low moan escapes as her tongue slips between my lips, coaxing a response. “Delicious,” she murmurs against my mouth, her words warm and breathless between us.

I pull back, overwhelmed. I stand and pour us both a whiskey. I don’t want to think—just feel. And she makes me feel everything. Handing her the glass, I sink back into my seat, thankful for the silence and the brief escape from Kara and the sting of her words. For tonight, forgetting is enough. Tomorrow can deal with itself.

“Are you going to say anything?” Sam asks, lifting the whiskey to her lips. She doesn’t flinch at the burn like I thought she would. Her gaze stays locked on me. My pulse thumps hard. Every part of me wants to abandon reason, bury the weight of heartbreak, and surrender to her pull. And why shouldn’t I? Fuck reason right now. Fucking her seems so much better.

I push the glass aside. My fingers slip into Sam’s hair as I claim her mouth, savoring the taste of her tongue against mine. The press of her body ignites something reckless in me, driving me past restraint. When I finally break the kiss, her eyes flutter open, heavy with want. I catch her hand in mine and pull her to her feet. Leading her out of the room, past the kitchen, and into my bedroom, shutting the door with a decisive click.

Sam’s hands explore my body as I kiss her with deliberate hunger. Guiding her back to the bed, I pause briefly to strip off her shirt and bra, revealing the curve of her breasts that I’ve longed to see again. My lips close over her perky nipple, tongue circling before I suck hard, pulling a ragged moan from her throat. The sound fuels me, sharp and electric as I push her back onto the mattress, yanking her pants down in one swift motion along with her panties. Before I can go further, she drags me up with her hand underneath my chin. Our mouths collide in urgency. Her kiss is fierce, breathless and demanding against mine. Between the rush of alcohol and her heat, I’m completely undone.

I kiss my way down from her mouth to her neck, breasts, stomach, and then the inside of her thighs. Sam runs her hands through my hair, grabbing the back of my head and urging me forward.

“You don’t know what you do to me,” Sam says, breathless. I kiss the center of her, releasing a sound that goes straight through me. She pulls my head forward as she watches me. “I’m yours.”

I look up at her as my tongue glides through her wetness, holding her gaze while I devour every inch of what’s available. I want her to see me, to feel how much I need this, and to never forget this moment. Her moan rips free as her head falls back, body arching, every sound driving me harder and deeper. I push my tongue against her with unrelenting desire. I slide my fingers inside. It doesn’t take long before her breath catches. Her hand grips the back of my head, keeping me right where she wants me as I move inside her. The pulsating against my fingers let me know how good she feels.

Her head tilts forward as I remove myself from inside. Our eyes lock as she gestures for me to come to her. I move up on the bed as we slide back in unison as if in a dance. She rises up to meet me. Chest to chest, thigh to thigh, and nose to nose. Her lips capture mine, reminding me of how well we fit together. How much I desire her with all that I have.

Sam gently pushes me back on the bed. Lowering her body onto mine, she rubs her breasts across mine, then lower over parts of my body as if her chest will swallow every inch of me without complaint. Her lips meet mine with divine intention, placing a soft intense kiss on them.

“Look at me,” she says, locking her gaze with me as she slides inside. My breath hitches audibly. I wrap my legs around her waist as she thrusts, her body rocking with mine, our eyes never breaking contact. I’ve never been so quick to climax, but Sam does it for me.

She lies on top of me, our naked bodies sweaty and fulfilled until our breath regains normal rhythm. She rolls to the side and lifts my chin up to kiss me passionately. Her body moves against mine, igniting a fire that I will happily deliver.

A couple of hours later, I’m exhausted beyond measure. Sam’s wrapped in my arms. My chest to her back. My knees bent into hers with her ass pressed against me. It’s the best feeling.

“Allie.” Sam’s voice is low and raspy. “There are things I need to say, and I need you to just hear me out.” She squeezes my hand that lies perfectly still around her waist. “Kara loves you,” she continues softly. “She doesn’t know how to navigate this period of her life. None of this is your fault.” She shifts closer, her body molding into mine, making me feel so much. “She needs someone to blame for her heartache. You’re the safest choice. The one that she knows won’t walk away. She can push you, test you, scream at you, and you’ll still be there, still doing what’s best for her. She loves you.”

Sam takes a shaky breath and continues. “You’re easy to love,” she whispers, as her hand clasps over mine, guiding it to her chest as she holds me tight. I feel the heaviness of the moment release from her body.

I don’t move. Those last words rattle me. It feels like a confession, and I can’t let it in. Not after Ginger. Not after how easily she broke me without warning. I’m exhausted from carrying heartbreak. I knew better than to have sex with her knowing how much she makes me feel.

“Allie?” Sam’s voice tugs at me when I don’t answer. I stay as still as possible, hoping she thinks I’m asleep. After a few moments, she presses a gentle kiss to my arm that’s wrapped around her. “Sleep well, baby,” she murmurs. “It’s all going to be okay.”

I love that she said that. Yet it only makes things so much harder for us. My disappointment weighs heavily. Not only for me, but for what could have been.

Chapter Twenty-One