Page 108 of Taint My Soul

Saint must have investigated what happened with the maps, and he took the fall for what I caused.

His brow lifts in confusion as he watches me. “What are you doing here?” He asks.

I push my hands into my pockets, throat working as I swallow. “I was looking for Saint. Is he upstairs?”

“No, he’s at Cross’s house. Do you want me to drive you?”

I give him a stern nod.

I’m choosing to end this. I’m choosing not to be humiliated anymore. I’m choosing to go out on my terms. That’s what I tell myself throughout the drive to Cross’s place. That’s how I reassure myself even as the car pulls up into a driveway with a lit house looming in between the forest. “Here’s good enough. I can walk the rest of the way.”

“Alright.” The car slows down to a halt.

“Thank you.” I smile at him and get out of the vehicle. I wait a minute and watch as Bernard drives away, and I turn on my heels and head down the path. Halfway through the walk, I stop, hands still in my pockets as a shaky breath escapes my lungs. It’s now or never. It’s this, or I have to continue to face the abuse that has never stopped since my parents died. I get to choose how it ends. Not them. Me.

Head lowered, I resume my uneven stroll toward the house looming at the end of the trail. I get close enough to hide behind the flower bushes surrounding the house. Through the glass windows, I’m close enough to see Saint sitting in the living room with his brother. He’s shirtless. He leans back against the charcoal leather cushion with a smile on his lips. I have never really noticed until now, but he has a pretty smile. My heart jumps into my throat when his eyes divert to me. I duck into the rose garden. Sharp, shallow breaths escape me as tension curls tighter beneath my skin. Footsteps stomp toward my direction, and I scramble to my feet, shoes biting against gravel as I move behind the building. I lean against the wall and squeeze my eyes, my heart almost slamming out of my ribcage.

“Is anyone there?”

“I thought I saw someone.” Saint hums under his breath.

“Get back in here.”

“Alright.”

I wait for the click of the door, then I slip into the light and hurry down the path without looking back. When I finally look over my shoulder, the house’s almost fading into the greenery of the forest. Halfway down the driveway, fists drag me out of the path into the forest. A grunt breaks out of my lips at the impact of my ass on the floor. Saint towers over me, six four feet, powerful build. I crawl back, body shaking as fear burns hot in my blood.

“You came back.” He says quietly, but the intensity of his voice is enough to make my pulse stumble. I stagger to my feet and back away. My body slams against the rough bark of a tree. He approaches me, his gaze lethal and cutting. “I told you to leave the city.”

“It’s not that simple.” I shake my head, my chest rising for quick gulps of air. “It’s not that simple for me.”

“But you went through my things, took pictures of a map you found hidden in there, and sent it to Neo.” His voice is so dangerous that it scares me. “What else did you find in there?” His voice is so smooth and soft it’s terrifying.

“I want it to be over,” I muster without looking up at him. “I want it to be over.” My heart squeezes with a weighted ache. When I look up at him, tears stream down my cheeks. He stares at me, expression set between anger and shock. “Because I can’t relive it all over again. I can’t spend every waking moment of my life waiting for the day our paths cross, waiting for the moment you’d finally get the chance to take my life. I did that with David, and I’m never going to do it again.”

He stops, observing me.

I swipe my hands over my cheeks and straighten up against the tree. “I can’t pretend that you’re not out there, that you don’t have a whole fucking empire backing you up.”

“You tried to destroy it!” He surges forward, and I flinch. That’s enough to stop him in his tracks. I never flinch. I learned not to.

“I didn’t have a choice. I have never had a choice. I came back. Leaving means that I lose my freedom all over again. I don’t want to spend every hour of my life wondering whether the person next to me could be working for you, whether you are watching me.” Only now did I realize how David had stolen years from my life. He was never there. He never showed up at any of my classes in college, or any of the parties I attended, but my body didn’t forget. My mind couldn’t stop replaying millions of possibilities that never happened until the night the men who worked for Vincent kidnapped me.

If I’m dead, I don’t have to wonder anymore. I don’t have to worry if I’ll ever do something pivotal enough to earn my freedom.

I’ll be at peace.

“I don’t want to be on edge. I don’t want to lose my sanity. I’m tired, so if you’ll kill me, then kill me.” My voice breaks apart as every word shatter from my lips. “You can’t let them take my life from me. Do it yourself, please.” I hate that I’m falling apart in front of him because I have always kept it together. “I can’t.” I reiterate, my voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t do life anymore.”

When I stare up at the man standing before me, I see something entirely different. He’s breathing violently. His eyes mirror equal parts of rage and remorse. He staggers backward, trying to hold himself together, but he can’t.

He chuckles. “You’re one selfish motherfucker, you know that right?” My expression contorts with shock. “All you think about is you. You. You. You.”

“I’m sorry. I… I’m—”

“What else did you find in there?” He closes the gap between us and fastens his hands around my shoulder.

“The things you wrote.”