Page 62 of Dragon Her Heels

“Ashley will be fine, it just takes time and help, which she has now because of you. The future without her has been averted. We just need to take care with her, and the move into your home will finish what you started with your small act of kindness. You reached out when she needed it the most, and now she has found the strength to stand. It won’t be easy, but she can now. If you’re asking about Darlene, I decided against listening in on her thoughts because she’s being fun. I don’t want to ruin the surprise. As for the lingerie thing, I know better than to attempt to discourage my wife when she thinks a woman’s wardrobe is in dire need of her assistance.”

Right. Running the hells must have damaged something in Lucifer’s head. “I see. I’ll leave Ashley to you and Darlene. Just text me if she needs company that doesn’t involve an incubus or two dragons.” My neighbor had all the luck, and thanks to my dumb mouth, I might get pie, and I’d lower my standards to accept half-decent pie in exchange for a date. “I’m the reason I’m going to die a virgin, Lucifer.”

The Devil snorted. “I’m sure I have an incubus around this place somewhere that could deal with a virgin hedge witch with a monogamy kink.”

“But I want someone to make me pie.”

“So hire a baker.”

I sighed. “But I want my pies baked with love. I can accept pies baked with lust initially. That part would be nice, but I mean, have you looked at me? I’m a walking disaster on two feet.”

“Perhaps I should enroll you in some therapy to deal with that self-esteem issue,” Lucifer muttered. “I promise you, there are many demons in my many hells who would absolutely love to show you how beautiful you are in sinful fashions.”

“That I have to travel to a completely different plane of existence for the opportunity to be lusted after should give you all the clues you need to figure out I have an appeal problem,” I muttered back.

That quieted the Devil for a few minutes. “I can understand how that might be a little damaging to your self-esteem. Your solution to this is a gentleman making you pie?”

“If he’s interested enough to deal with learning how to bake, that seems like a good foundation for me.”

“What if he wants you to learn how to bake?”

“If he wants to risk being poisoned, that’s entirely on him. Am I game to try? Yes. I also understand I’m much better at cooking than I am baking. But if he handles the baking, I’ll handle the cooking, and we both are fed appropriately.”

“I can’t fault that logic, at least.” After heaving a patience-worn sigh, Lucifer said, “I will make certain all candidates for your attention understand they need to be able to bake, are versed in being useful and practical, and aren’t scared of you being a hedge witch.”

I gave Lucifer credit: he understood what I needed to be happy. “But Lucifer, perfect men don’t exist, and that sounds like the perfect man.”

“That list also includes handsome and good in bed,” the Devil informed me.

“You, sir, are the Lord of Lies! Now I’m going to go to bed heartbroken because men like that really don’t exist.”

“I have an incubus or two that meets all those requirements, they’re just not all that good at loyalty.”

If I began understanding Lucifer, would I go insane, too? “Deal breaker. They’re not perfect if they stray.”

“Let’s wager.” The Devil’s giggling worried me. “It’ll be fun.”

“Wagering with you is how one loses their soul,” I reminded him.

“Your soul serves me best where it’s at, in your possession. This wager will ultimately benefit you in the end, win or lose.”

“Lord of Lies,” I repeated in a mutter.

He snickered. “Humor me.”

“I will listen to your wager, but don’t be surprised if I refuse to participate.”

“By the time the Triple Crown is over, you will have the choice of two perfect men, and you will have to tell me that I’m right and permit me to be the officiator when you engage in unholy matrimony.”

“How is this a wager? That’s just a disturbing prediction. Wholly improbable in my opinion, but just a prediction all the same. What do I get when you’re wrong?”

“That’s so rude, claiming my predictions are inaccurate!”

Did I deal with an ancient toddler? I fought against my urge to heave sigh after sigh. “I’m over thirty, I’m still a virgin, and I haven’t even watched any porn.” I allowed my tone to convey how unimpressed I was with his wager. “Well? What do I get when you’re wrong?”

“A new horse, a mare capable of breeding you champions should you select the right studs for her. You will want to race again, mark my words.”

I scowled. “If you happen to be right, which you aren’t, you should give me the mare as a consolation prize for being suckered into marrying one of the two perfect men that will somehow manifest themselves. That might convince me the wager is worth participating in. You will also console me through planning a honeymoon for me and this mysterious perfect man I select from the two who will come calling with pie.”

“Should I win, you will agree to assist me with bringing matters back into balance should things draw dangerously close to the End of Days.”

Ah. I understood.

All things Lucifer did, he did for the love of his immortal life and family.

I smiled at the reality of the situation and the true importance of the bargain he wished to strike with me. “As long as you pay me fairly for when you need matters brought back into balance, count me in, Lucifer.”

I doubted he would ever declare the truth of who he was, but I spotted the glimmer of it in his actions rather than his words.

The Lord of the Morning stood guard over the world he had set free, and despite his place in the darkness, he shined.

“So mote be it.”

In the distance, thunder rumbled in the promise of the incoming storm. I wondered at that and what would change because I had opted to take sides with the forces of the Devil’s many hells in order to preserve everything that was, had been, and would be.