Page 48 of Dragon Her Heels

“His final exam will be making you a pie you love so much you ask him to marry you. And you will marry him should he make you a pie so good you beg.”

“I can beg him for more pie without having to marry him,” I pointed out. Narrowing my eyes, I considered the benefits of marriage to someone who made pies that good. “However, I’m stealing that as an idea. I will only date men who come to my house armed with pies they baked themselves. Should they offer pie, and it passes my taste test, he wins a date.”

“You know what? I’ll take it. It’s a good start, and it shows you have standards. That your standards happened to involve his baking ability is weird, but I can’t talk. I stormed Lucifer’s gates and allowed myself to be somewhat distracted from my goal, which was to rescue my brother. I did rescue my brother, for the record. I just happened to enjoy the scenery while saving him. I enjoyed the scenery so much I decided to keep said scenery.”

Darlene amazed me, and I wondered if I would become as crazy as her from exposure. “I should raise my standards a little. Sexy and able to bake?”

“That should not be a question. Sexy and able to bake are excellent starter goals for a fledgling relationship. You should add nice, comprehends consent, and likes horses to your list.”

“You’re right. Any man of mine must love horses—or have a willingness to pay the vet bills. I can accept a willingness to pay the vet bills and a tolerance of my horses.” I laughed at the insanity of it all. “The castle and the dragon are supposed to be myths, Darlene.”

“Are you panicking about this?”

I allowed myself to be honest, and I nodded. “I kept telling myself I would worry about it if it happened, and then I became the reason it happened.”

“It’ll be all right. You’ll have your chance to ride Alligator Bait in her races, and you’ll have your chance to pluck that stallion you want out of harm’s way. A few years down the road, you’ll have more chances to compete for big races, but you’ll mostly hang out in the lower circuits because you hate losing and love winning, so you will only head for the Kentucky Derby when you are confident you have a solid chance at victory. And then, because you only take horses you are confident in and want to win, you will become a legend among owners and jockeys. You will be annoyed you’ll have to verify your status as honest every race, but the angels won’t even charge you for doing it after a while, as you will amuse them and they enjoy observing the competitions. You didn’t curse yourself to torture. You opened yourself to opportunities. You have nothing to worry about, all right? And if you’re overwhelmed, you can come hide in my house for a while until you feel better. I’ll take you to the dungeons, we’ll correct some fucking assholes, and I’ll show you the conservatory, where we keep our rescued horses.”

Darlene would leave me questioning the nature of life long after she departed. “Let’s go contain your husband and that dragon. I want a house when they’re finished here. If someone responsible doesn’t keep a watch on them, I might not have a house when they’re done.”

“I hate how right you are, except it won’t be my husband destroying your house. It will be my daughter, and she won’t even do it on purpose. That’s the worst part. She’s not even trying. Lucifer? I can trust him to break things on purpose. Kanika? A snowball has better chances in hell.” Darlene bowed her head and sighed. “Oh well. But you’re right. Let’s go contain them before something—or someone—gets broken.”