Page 58 of Murder Mittens

“I’m not sure that counts as proud or majestic, Harri.”

“I am very proud of my needs. And I don’t have to do anything to be majestic. It just happens.” I made sure my laptop was using Sebastian’s phone for the internet, as I needed to take mine to the store and get a plan that allowed for the internet. “Am I spending a bazillion hours tunneling to get to the CDC’s servers today?”

“No. If you try that nonsense, I’m pulling this truck over, you’re driving, and I’ll do the work.”

“I was onboard with you pulling over until you threatened to make me drive while you worked. That was not the fun place I was hoping you’d be going with that,” I complained.

“Once we are in a vehicle we don’t have to return to someone else, I’m sure I can find some almost private location to pull over so we can entertain ourselves for a while.”

“I feel I was not adequately prepared for my general hormone levels this week.” I heaved a sigh and went to work logging into the bounty hunter system, which spewed a bunch of flags in my general direction. Most were payment confirmations, but as I needed to click on each one to make it go away, I yowled my frustration with the system.

Sebastian laughed at me. “Now you know my pain, my little lynx. That’s what happens to me every time you go on a job blitz. I get those damned banners warning me I’d have to worry about how you’re planning on hurting yourself next.”

“I don’t plan it, it just happens. But I did good this week. I bruised a knuckle on an idiot’s face, and other than that, I emerged without a scratch. And nobody can blame me for that bruise. That asshole’s head had nothing but rocks in it. How can anyone be that stupid?”

“That’s a good question, although I did enjoy watching you bruise your knuckles on that guy’s head. He actually thought it was a good idea to slap a cop’s ass.”

“He’s lucky that cop didn’t flatten him. I saved his life, Sebastian. If I hadn’t distracted the cop indulging in violence, she would have killed him. She’s a bear. A hybrid bear. He slapped the ass of a hybrid bear.”

“I want to know who she hired for her uniform, because it seems really useful to have her clothes magically adjust to handle her hybrid form. However, I about had a heart attack when she picked you up so you wouldn’t kill the bear. She tucked you under her arm like you weighed nothing, and then she clobbered the idiot and knocked him out.”

I nodded, as the cop could have ripped me in half with ease. “She was amazing.”

Sebastian chuckled. “That was some pretty nice morning entertainment, especially when you started caterwauling you couldn’t collect the bounty if you couldn’t drag him off and finish turning him in. Her solution to that problem was hilarious. The bear just dragged you both to the CDC location down the street, and she even gave you credit for the capture. She was just containing my cranky kitten so there wouldn’t be any unfortunate accidents, as is her job as an outstanding member of law enforcement.”

“I would have subdued him without her help. Or her dinner-plate sized paw. Hybrid bears have bigger paws than I do, and this really isn’t fair.”

“You still have the biggest paws in the cat kingdom, so there’s that. Once you get through your flags, there’ll be a folder under Loureni’s bounty for you to browse through. I helpfully assigned the bounty to you, and I abused my powers as your handler to mark it as accepted. It wasn’t an optional bounty, anyway.”

“I’m sure you can make it up to me at some later time.” I finished sorting through my flags, rolling my eyes at the notification I had been assigned a handler. “The CDC really wants me to be certain I’m aware I am being handled.”

“I’ve been enjoying my job more than I have in the past. It’s good to be the handler.”

Once I successfully navigated the CDC’s system, I went into the folder for the Loureni job, sighing over the collection of files, which ranged from autopsy reports, police records, education records, and everything the government had on the man that might be relevant for the investigation. “Am I even qualified to see this stuff, Mr. Mane? I don’t have a college degree. Do I need a degree for this stuff?”

“No. You don’t even need a degree to be a cop in the United States.”

“Wait, what?”

“All you need to be a police officer in the United States is the equivalent of a high school diploma and be a citizen. That’s it. You can be disqualified for having a record, but the base requirements aren’t all that much. The various departments and cities are responsible for the training of officers.”

“That’s it?”

“What, do you want to be a cop?”

“Well, not particularly, but I didn’t think I was qualified. I thought I needed a degree or something.”

“No, no degree is required.”

Huh. I clicked on Loureni’s basic profile, ignored the cover letter swearing legal death, doom, and destruction if I misused the information present in the file, and began reading about the man. His monthly salary beat my yearly pay as a customer service slave, and I sighed over the unfairness of it all.

“That was rather heartbroken. What’s wrong with my little lynx?”

“The potential serial killer asshole makes more in a month than I do in a year, and I’m so much more useful than he is. People need working internet. The world needs potential serial killer assholes to be evicted from life in a swift and brutal fashion.”

“Would you like me to rub your back tonight and massage your scalp? Will that help you get over his salary?”

“Yes, if you wouldn’t mind.” I continued to read. “He’s forty, he has a degree in business of some sort, and he manages people who manage people who make money for other people. I’m assuming that’s what an upper management in stock investments person does.”