Page 73 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“For the most part.” The Devil waved Phenexia away. “Off with you, you wicked temptress. You have an angel to seduce. I’ll talk to your father, so go make sure you both have pretty dresses, and do at least try to convince your angel she can have breasts if she’d like for her wedding day.”

“She doesn’t need breasts.”

“The angel has already gotten to you.” Heaving a sigh, Lucifer shook his head. “I see it’s too late. I’ll go talk to your father about that awful ‘m’ word and make it clear he can only put up a minimal fuss. You can’t dodge all of the fatherly disapproval. It’s part of the package. You are his eldest daughter, so he’s obligated to make a fuss. If your human’s customs require the mother of the bride, I’ll make an arrangement.”

Phenexia nodded and retreated from the bathroom.

“What arrangement?”

“Her mother passed away a very long time ago, and her mother’s seed is currently at rest. Unbeknownst to her and her father, I have the seed, and I intend to bargain with Him for a conversion so the seed can return to her father, who still mourns for his mortal wife.”

“After so many years?”

“Phenex is an odd creation. He was made in the image of angels, but he is a devil in his nature. Oddly balanced, him. Back when humans were new, he fell in love with a mortal woman. Phenexia is their first immortal child and their first daughter. They had a mortal son together, for I did not have the right seed to give him. They had other children as well, but she eventually died from old age. Then, mortals were longer lived. He is a poet among other things, and he is not inclined to let his first love be followed by anyone. He loves science and grooms the mortals to develop their knowledge. My phone is part of Phenex’s workings.”

“Phenex sounds similar to phoenix. Why?”

“He is their father, that is why. His tears birthed the first phoenixes, for it was his wish for his wife to rise from the ashes of her long life. He saw beauty in Phenex’s grief and made it immortal. Phenex’s natural form is very similar to a phoenix as well, which was part of their creation.”

“That’s sad.”

“Things will be different next time. I’m just deciding how best to plant his wife’s seed so that she finds her way to my many hells where she belongs. Her mortality was what he loved about her when he first met her, so I will cultivate her seed in that fashion and have her converted, much like you will be converted.”

“And my brother is being converted.”

“Has been converted. I took the rougher route with him. A chipmunk’s lifespan is not long, and I did not wish for your brother to age. It was only a little pain. Now, out you get. It’s time to dry you off and make sure you have breakfast so you can enjoy your nap.”

“Are you always so considerate?”

“No, and it’s disgusting I’ve been reduced to this low level by a woman and her spots. And I haven’t even claimed all of your spots yet. Mark my words, Darlene. I will claim every last spot. They’re mine, and I will not share them with anyone else.”

Shaking my head, I debated how best to extract myself from his embrace and the warm waters of the tub. “You’re something else.”

“Does that mean I can lay claim to all of your spots as soon as this revenge business is dealt with?”

“I’ll think about it,” I promised, wiggling out of the Devil’s hold to escape the tempting tub and its sinful occupant. I grabbed a towel and went to work restoring myself to functionality. “Maybe I’ll skip the nap and get right to work on the revenge. Who needs sleep when I can have coffee?”

“You’re going to need a lot of coffee, then.”

“Fetch,” I ordered, wrapping my hair up in the first towel before covering myself with the second. “I need coffee, and I need coffee right now.”

The Devil vanished.

“You could have put some clothes on first,” I muttered. Somehow, I’d fallen prey to a sinfully sexy idiot with a spot fetish.

There were worse fates.

Wearing a towel wouldn’t endear me to the succubi sprawled over the sitting room floor, the couches, the chairs, and even the Devil’s desk, although I had no scruples with spilling the woman onto the floor. She landed on yet another succubus. The one flopped on his chair shared her fellow succubus’s fate.

Beyond a few groans, they ignored my presence.

Maybe they wouldn’t care about my towel apparel after all.

As there wasn’t anywhere else for me, I sat on his desk and waited for the Devil to return, as I figured he’d sit on me if I took over his chair. It took longer than I expected, but he reappeared in the doorway of the bedroom wearing one of his black suits, stepped around the bodies, and brought me two iced coffees. “I figured two might get you started until we return to the mortal coil and I can get you more. I have plans to take you out for lunch, as I have decided it will be more enjoyable to feed you that way.”

“While I’m wearing a towel?”

“There are temporary clothes for you in the bedroom. They are temporary, as I fully plan on destroying them when I get you home, as it appears you are not sufficiently tired yet. You can still talk and walk. I am hoping lunch and the foundation work for your revenge will make you easier to properly exhaust.”