Page 66 of Grave Humor

The devil disappeared, and I rolled my eyes over his antics. “Okay. Which one of the archangels do I talk to about talking to my idiot parents and getting them out of my hair for the rest of my lifetime if at all possible?”

Michael raised his hand. “I’ll volunteer. This is more fun than I’ve had since Lucifer thought it was a good idea to adopt a sphinx.”

“What’s wrong with sphinxes?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing’s wrong with her. She just makes it her mission in life to try to kill her father when she’s not doting on her husband, who happens to be a kelpie.”

“Kelpie? What’s that?”

“Kelpies are demonic horses,” Eoghan replied with a scowl. “A rather nasty species, really.”

“This one is fairly benevolent. He’s a saltwater variant, and he only has interest in dragging his wife to the shore so they can make little babies. He hasn’t had any luck yet, but I give it a year or two before he catches her off guard and I get a little niece to spoil. I suspect it’ll happen around the same time he teaches her how to swim, as she’s rather hopeless around water. They’ll toss more fillies than they’ll know what to do with, as my brother has a wicked sense of humor and no dignity. They’ll get a son eventually, but only after his gem of a daughter threatens to castrate him if he doesn’t stop meddling with her husband.”

That poor woman. “You’re all aiming for her to have kids, aren’t you?”

“It’s a joy in our long life. My contribution will be swimming lessons, I believe. He is very protective, and he will not take her into the water until he’s confident she can swim—but every time he gets her near the shore, his common sense abandons him, so the requirements for them to produce a child are never met.”

I laughed at the thought of a being as powerful as an archangel lowering himself to teaching a woman how to swim so he could have a niece. Then, as I wanted to get on with the rest of my life sooner than later, I said, “Let’s assume I want this over as quickly as possible with as little interaction with my parents as possible. How would we accomplish that?”

“I will present an offer to them for the property including a payment on all owed back taxes, get their signature, and pay for it in cash, with an immediate closing date following the final approval of the sale. I will be your legal representative for the transaction. While Eoghan’s name would be on the official documents, it’s minimal work to have ownership become joint after the finalization of the sale. The bank will add a day or two, but this is no concern. Should you add in an agreement that you will handle anything left on the property, and that the price includes them moving out sooner than later, you should find the keys in your possession within three days.”

I could work with three days. “And in the meantime?”

“Go home, relax, and don’t go on any evening trips to purchase furniture.”

Right. Buying bookcases had gotten me into trouble once already. “I think I can manage that.”

“Eoghan, you should keep her amused at home. You should use your masculine charms to accomplish this,” Michael suggested.

Michael went to the top of my list of archangels I liked.

According to Eoghan’s expression, he believed the archangel had lost his mind. “Pardon?”

“Right. Forget I said anything. Anwen, my dear, I will discuss this matter with Darlene before your coffee date—and I’ll pay a visit to her to make sure she’s clear on what the actual situation is. I’d rather my brother not come to his demise at the hands of his wife. He’s bored, and when he gets this bored, his wife does sometimes manage to beat him into submission—and it really makes a mess of his hells when he’s on bed rest for a few months because he angered his wife.”

What the hell could his wife do to the devil to put him on bedrest for that long?

“You really don’t want to know the answer to that question. It’s terrible, and being the devil, he even likes it. But there is nothing scarier in all the hells than the devil’s wife running the place.”

“I should be more surprised by this than I am,” I confessed.

“I propose you start looking into your dream home on the internet.” Michael stretched his wings and gave them a shake. “Work on that with Eoghan. Build a future on the rubble of the past, although you will want to thoroughly investigate the house before you demolish it. It would do you well to show Eoghan your past, too.”

“But why?”

“So you can let it go, of course. These things have a way of clinging if you don’t air them out.”

“I’ll take that advice,” I promised. Letting go would do me a lot of good—as would moving on.

“That’s a girl. Now, run on home. I’ll pop in to get the appropriate signatures as needed, I’ll work with Lucifer’s precious little attorneys making certain they are ironclad, and I’ll even make sure no one signs their soul away in the process. It’s annoying when souls get signed away in basic paperwork.”

“Thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome. Good things will come, so just bear with this a little longer.”

Fifteen

Taking the advice of an archangel seemed wise.