Page 42 of Grave Humor

“Gordon, I’m going to get a bag of dog food and some bowls. Even if he won’t come into the house, I want to feed him. I haven’t found anything yet. I’ll probably run some errands while I’m out, so I’ll be a few hours.”

The vampire grunted at me, which I assumed meant he wouldn’t remember a damned thing come nightfall, as I rarely did when somebody bothered me while I was sleeping. I wrote a note, left it on the coffee table, and grabbed my keys, new purse, and everything else I might need for an adventure into town.

It occurred to me if I headed a few miles down the road, I could go to the bookstore, get a few novels, and start a library of my own. I’d repay Eoghan for using his account with interest after I got my first check.

I stopped long enough to pet the dog before climbing into the cab of the truck and starting the engine, grinning at the rumble. Yep, maybe Lady Luck had seduced Eoghan first, but she made my greedy little heart happy, too.

After I plugged the address in for the bookstore into the navigation system, I backed the truck out of my driveway, keeping a careful eye on the dog so I wouldn’t hit him if he decided to play a game of chase my truck.

He stayed put, yawning and showing off his teeth before resting his head on his paws to take a nap on the grass.

I’d have to get him some bones to chew on, too. A collar went onto my mental list, one with my address on it, which might deter the asshole neighbors from taking pot shots at the stray.

One trip to the bookstore, a pet store, and a furniture store later, and I had everything needed to turn my house into a home for three, enough material to teach Eoghan how to read English, a dog bed, bowls, treats, food, a collar, and a leash. I needed to hit another store for bookcases, but I’d do that after I got everything else home.

The dog had moved to my front step again, and one of my crankier neighbors stood at the end of my driveway, eyeing the animal with a scowl fixed in place. Given a single excuse, Jeff Henrys would get his shotgun and put an end to the stray, which meant I’d have to take steps.

Step one involved pulling up in the driveway and letting the engine growl at the old coot. “Hurt that dog, and the cops get your name,” I warned, parking and climbing out without any care if I banged the bastard with the door. He wisely got out of my way. I snagged the bag with the collar, new tags, and leash. Without bothering to wait for Jeff’s reply, I went to my porch, crouched in front of the dog, and slipped the bright red leather around his neck, buckling it into the place. “There you go, buddy. Now if you get lost, somebody can give me a call.”

I scratched him behind his ears.

The front door opened, and while careful to avoid the sunlight, Gordon poked his head outside. “He’s been staring at the dog for the past hour, grumbling to himself. He doesn’t seem like he’s willing to step onto your property much.”

“That’s because I’m an asshole, and he knows the people who own the house, and they’re bigger assholes than I am.”

“That your dog, Anwen?” Jeff asked.

“He’s a stray I’m adopting, so as of now, yes, he is. I’ve looked high and low for his owner, and there ain’t anyone missing a dog like him around here.”

“Ain’t nobody dumb enough to keep a dog that ugly around here.”

I snorted at that. “Except me, so don’t you be calling my dog ugly, Henrys. I’ve a mind to teach him to guard the place, and I’ve also a mind to teach him you’re bad news. And don’t you think I won’t be calling the cops and demanding an angel if you think you can come shoot my dog when I’m not looking.”

“That’s not neighborly of you.”

“Neither is shooting my dog.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I reckon you’re right on that. You try to keep that dog where he belongs, then.”

“Or just give me a call if he shows up. He’s got a lot of learning to do, and I’d rather there be no misunderstandings. I’ll make the whole damned town answer to an angel if somebody hurts him.”

I supposed my open aggression on the matter startled him almost as much as it startled me. I’d spent the last few years of my life keeping my head down to avoid being the talk of the town.

“Fair enough. You’ve got men around. Who are they?”

“One is my new boss, who is new to town and needs a place for a while. The other is a vampire I’m keeping an eye on for the CDC. I get better pay and company this way.”

Jeff relaxed, and he grunted. “Mind if I come say hi to your mutt?”

To be safe rather than sorry, I clipped the leash to my pup’s collar. “Come on up. This is Gordon. He’s the vampire. If you’re looking for some cash and pass the tests, the CDC might want a few extra donors. Eoghan, my new boss, is out right now, but I’m sure you’ll see him around.”

Chances for extra cash came few and far between, and the old man’s eyes lit up. “I’m fitter than a fiddle, you know.”

Yeah, I knew. He was also a rat bastard and liked to cause trouble anywhere he could for the fun of it. “You sure are.”

He came up on the porch, and the dog flicked an ear back but otherwise behaved. “You sure you want to keep this mutt, Anwen? He’s got mean eyes.”

“He’s nice to me, and I don’t really much care if he’s mean to people who shouldn’t be at my house. Sounds like he’ll make a good guard dog once I teach him where the property lines are and train him to stay where he belongs.”