Page 62 of Melt His Heart

Carson: please just let me know if you got home ok

Me: I’m here.

Carson: ok.

I feel tears burning in my eyes, threatening to fall, and I wipe them quickly. I don’t want to cry, not again. I turn the knob on the shower and start to undress. I step under the spray with a shaky sigh; I wish it were as easy as washing all these disgusting emotions away. The tears are back, but this time I just let it out.

I’m so frustrated with myself, Carson, and just everything. Mostly not knowing what to do. I feel even worse because all I want to do is talk to him.

No one told me this having relationships with people thing would be this fucking complicated. It was all so much easier when I didn’t let anyone near me.

I step out of the shower and towel off. The mirror fogged up from all the steam, I wipe it down to see my tear-stained eyes.

My bed is singing to my body by the time I sink into it. I wish I hadn’t given Carson his hoodie back. I would give anything to feel near him right now. More tears wet my pillow as I turn to lie on my side.

I guess I can check another first off my bucket list.

I hate fighting like this.

Chapter 21

“And the New Jersey Scorpions see another upset as they lose another game this season to the Montreal Kings.” The TV drones on, illuminating my otherwise dark living room.

I’ve been keeping up with Carson’s games even more so now that we’re not really talking. But I cringe at hearing that they’ve lost again; his team has been having a tough time for the last two games, and I hope he’s ok. I could text him, but I don’t know what to say, especially seeing as I’m still upset. I lie across the couch onto my side and curl up. I feel like I’m stuck between my raging emotions and wanting to see him again. Or maybe I just want him to reach out to me first.

I have a practice session today, and it’s the first time in a while, I don’t feel up to going.

But that’s obviously not an option.

I grab my phone from the kitchen counter, suddenly getting the stupid urge to check Carson’s page again, but it’s not his page I decide to scroll through.

It’s Avery’s.

My jaw clenches. I know this is so silly, and I promise myself I’ll never do it again. I scroll all the way to the bottom and find exactly what I didn’t want to see; it’s a photo of him and Carson from their university days, looking unquestionably very close.

Avery is smiling at the camera while Carson is giving him a kiss on the cheek. The caption reads: the sweetest boy.

I feel like I’m going to be sick. I hate myself for even looking. I throw my phone into the bag angrily, pulling my jacket on.

* * *

The anger and bitterness helped keep me warm on my walk over to the rink. Opening the door, I head straight to the lockers, not wanting to even glance at Carson and his team finishing up their practice session. I feel his eyes follow me as I walk past the boards.

Kane is in the locker room when I come in to set my bag down on the bench. He looks over his shoulder at me, “Hey.”

“Uh, hello. Sorry, are you using this room?” I ask.

“Nah, you’re good. I was just leaving.”

“Ah, ok,” I say, biting my lip.

“Is everything ok? With you and Young?” He asks. I snap my head towards him. Has Carson been talking about us?

“Oh, um, yeah. Why?”

“Nothing. You seem sad.” He shrugs.

“Ah, I’m ok. Is..Is he ok?” I mutter.