Page 61 of Melt His Heart

“Uh, I don’t know, you seem kind of tense today.” He says, and sure, today, maybe I didn’t do a good job at masking my annoyance with him. Of course, Carson notices everything, almost.

“I’m not.” I fold my arms defensively.

“Julian.” He stands in front of me, his head tilted, obviously not believing me.

“Can you just talk to me?” He pleads.

I hate it when he does this; it makes me want to give in the way he looks at me.

I want to kiss him.

“You want me to talk to you? But was there ever a point where you would talk to me about you and your ex playing on the same team?” I spit out.

Finally, I feel like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. It feels good, but horrible at the same time.

“Avery.” He says, his brows furrowing.

He looks sorry already.

“Your ex.”

“I didn’t tell you..Because I didn’t want you to be upset or get the wrong idea.” Carson says, calmly.

“Oh, that worked out wonderful for you, I’m sure.” I scoff.

“I know, but I was going to tell you at the gala after you guys met, but it just never came up again.” He tries to explain, but my anger is getting the best of me. And like I knew, his explanation isn’t good enough. My skin feels so hot, I almost think it stings.

“There’s nothing going on between us, and we haven’t dated in years.” He continues.

“I know that! That’s not the point!” I snap.

“So why are you upset, Julian?”

“Because you didn’t tell me! I feel stupid!” I scream. This is the angriest I’ve been in forever. I feel uncontrollable, and it’s freaking me out. I turn to walk and head home, but Carson is already one step ahead.

He walks in front of me. Blocking the way.

“So you’re just going to walk away from me, again?” He looks at me with a bit of frustration in his expression, and I immediately feel defensive.

“You have some fucking nerve, Carson,” I bite out.

“I’m sorry.” He says, his eyes softening as he holds his hand out to calm me down.

“You should’ve started with that!” I yell at him, moving back to create distance because if he touches me right now, I’ll fall apart.

“I always do, Julian!” He snaps back at me, and I just stand there staring at him for a moment before collecting myself. Carson has never gotten angry with me. I’m not sure what to do or how to react. So I do the only thing I know how to do.

“Julian, wait…I’m sorry.” He voices shakes.

“I need time to myself,” I say, and without even giving him another look, I start to walk quickly through the cold towards my flat. I haven’t walked back in a while, and I think I’ll need it to think about whatever the fuck just happened between us.

* * *

I make my way back home and shrug my jacket and shoes off. It’s warm here, but my body is shivering, cold with dread. I don’t think I’ve processed, even on my walk back, everything that happened today. I try to even think if I ever had to deal with something like this. The answer is no. I don’t know where to start, and right now I don’t want to start anywhere but in my bed. I check my phone before heading into a much-needed hot shower.

Of course, Carson has text me.

Carson: i’m sorry…i know you don’t want to talk to me.