Page 174 of Challenge Me

God, there were twelve counts. Seeing it there on the page, spelled out in legal wording . . . When I read the fifth incident of ‘sexual assault of a child in the first degree’, I slammed the laptop closed. I rushed into the bathroom and dropped in front of the toilet as I retched.

Remi was right. I wanted to burn that flash drive. It was a key to his past, but I didn’t think it should exist. If I could erase it from this world forever, I would. It still lived inside of him, though, and that was the greatest injustice that could ever exist.

Turning to sit on the floor, I leaned against the bathtub. The idea of heading to Boston in a few hours was unimaginable in this moment. I wanted to curl up and grieve for everything I’d lost. At the same time, I was weighed down by the horrific evil that existed in this world. I wasn’t sure how people who had seen it firsthand didn’t immediately break and hide themselves away forever.

Remi was stronger than anyone had given him credit for. Maybe it was that path he walked with his gods. Whatever raw strength lived in him was as frightening as it was inspiring. If it had been me, I wouldn’t be able to find beauty in the world the way that he did. He was cynical sometimes, but not nearly as much as he probably should have been.

I hadn’t protected him enough. I wasn’t sure exactly what I should have done differently, but a part of me was convinced that I’d failed him.

Maybe I was still lost to the subsequent blows I’d received since waking up. The game might actually be the best thing for me. At least I could turn off my brain and sink into something that I loved.

As long as I didn’t look at Remi’s empty seat, everything would be perfectly fine.

Chapter 49

Remi

The world can change without consent,

And steal the things our hearts have spent;

But even loss can leave a spark,

A small, defiant flame in the dark.

Days passed slowly in the week following my departure. I’d rather my life flew by from here on out, but that was probably the depression talking. If only I had the type that let me sleep all day and dissociate from reality. Instead, I had to keep myself busy, and when I lay down after closing the bar, I stared at the ceiling.

At least the poetry was coming along again. I hadn’t written this much in a long time. If I cared about validation, I might start posting them online or something, but I’d had enough publicity to last me ten lifetimes.

As I checked the bar to make sure it was ready to open, I hummed Three Little Birds. Oli taught it to me when we’d shared a room back in the day, and it eased some of the turmoil inside of me. Because every little thing was gonna be alright, god damnit.

The front door swung open, and I put a hand over my chest. “Jesus. I told you to stop coming.”

Tommy sat on his usual barstool. “I told you that’s not an option.”

“This is my bar.”

“And I don’t work for you.”

“Is he really still paying you?” I tried to keep my voice steady, but it came out too small.

“According to my bank account.”

With a derisive scoff, I turned and straightened the already perfect bottles. “I’ll contact him and put a stop to it.”

“No, you won’t.”

I whirled on him. “And why do you say that?”

“Ain’t no way you’ll talk to him.”

“To get rid of you? I’d shamefully crawl back into his bed.”

He chuckled and tapped his fingers on the counter like he did every time he needed a refill of his virgin mojito. With a huff, I took my sweet time making it for him. I might have added a bit too much lime. He puckered but went back for more without complaining.

If he didn’t have a family to take care of, I would really find a way to get rid of him. Poison was always an option.

“So, the wife doesn’t work or . . .”