Page 37 of Lost Dreams

“You know,” she said, willing herself to say what she needed to say. “I’ve been thinking about your text message. Your text about not being honest.”

Roberto was quiet.

“And I was thinking that I don’t care,” Lorelei said. “I don’t care what it is. I just need to know. I need to know the truth. In the Whitmore family, we’ve been hiding from the truth for decades, for generations. My poor father just discovered that his uncle died in World War II! It was never talked about! That is not normal.” She closed her eyes and pictured poor Aurora, who’d just spilled the beans on her own heartache. It was brave. Lorelei needed to be brave.

But before she could say anything more, Roberto let out a strangled sob.

“You’re right,” he said. “I need to be honest with you. I need to find a way.”

Lorelei closed her eyes. Another siren blasted from the opposite side of the world and into her ear.

“I’ll fly back to Nantucket so we can talk in person,” Roberto said. “It isn’t fair to say it over the phone.”

Lorelei knew this was the worst sign of all.

After they hung up, Lorelei walked the beach in front of the White Oak Lodge for two hours, tracing her toes through the sand and waiting for the first light of morning to illuminate the island. She hadn’t stayed up all night in many years, and it was invigorating to watch 3 a.m. turn to 4 and 4 a.m. turn to 5. Soon enough, plenty of staff members were milling around the grounds, preparing for the day ahead. They cast side-eyed glances at Lorelei, but they didn’t say anything.

At some point, Kenny came to open the doors of the stables and wake the horses up. His best friend Oren wasn’t with him. Lorelei watched him from a distance as he swept the floor of the stables, his face serious.

Lorelei went back to the family apartment, where she found Jack and Addison, sipping coffee and discussing what they wanted to do today. Jack had plans to paint a room that hadn’t been finished yet, and Addison wanted to clear out a corner of the garage that was still filled with old Whitmore junk. It was gorgeous to watch them work together so seamlessly. It was gorgeous, too, to know that Addison had had to relearn how to talk to Jack, now that she knew his real name. For years, she’d known him only as Seth Green. But she knew his heart. Maybe that was all that mattered.

“Haven’t seen you in a little while!” Addison said, smiling and standing up to pour Lorelei a cup of coffee.

“Did you go for a hike?” Jack asked.

Lorelei looked down at herself, realizing she looked as though she’d been out wandering for hours, which was what she had been doing. “Sort of,” she said finally.

“We’re going to have burgers later on Madequecham Beach,” Addison said, speaking of the house they owned on a different beach, the house Seth Green had purchased years ago. “You should come! Bring Aurora!”

Lorelei agreed. It sounded nice to leave the confines of the White Oak Lodge for a little bit. If she stayed here any longer, she might drown in her own emotions.

Besides, she wanted to get her mind off the thought of Roberto, traveling halfway around the world to tell her specifically why he was breaking her heart.

That afternoon, Lorelei didn’t have anything to do. Allegra and Charlotte were at the front desk, and the rest of the Whitmores milled around the Lodge, doing odd jobs and helping guests. This left Lorelei to her own devices. When Carter wrote to ask if she wanted to rehearse, she asked if she could come to his music camp instead, if only to go somewhere else. He sent her the location, and Lorelei borrowed one of their family cars to take herself there.

On the drive to Carter’s music camp, Lorelei sang along with the songs on the radio, trying and failing to get her mind elsewhere. Not even Mariah Carey could distract her. A tiny voice in the back of Lorelei’s mind asked her if Roberto wanted to leave her, and if Carter wanted to love her now, what would she do? Would she take the safe option? Would she fall in love with Carter all over again?

Lorelei knew plenty of forty- and fifty- and sixty-somethings who’d gotten back together with their old loves. In the fiction world, it was called “second-chance romance,” and Lorelei was endlessly captivated by the romance of it. She was also curious about how you could forgive your ex-partner for anything they’d said and done in the previous iteration of your romance. How can you overcome the past?

Lorelei parked at the music school and followed Carter’s instructions to the practice room on the second floor, where he stood waiting with his guitar and a few oatmeal raisin cookies, which he’d stolen from the music school kitchen. Lorelei laughed and sat at the piano bench, too nervous to touch the keys. She wanted to dive directly into the music. She wanted to bask in the light that shone out of Carter’s eyes.

Is this what love is supposed to feel like?

For more than an hour, Lorelei and Carter sang all their favorite songs: “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” the Carpenters’ “Solitaire,” the Rolling Stones’ “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” among others. She fell into the musicality of his voice. She fell into the gorgeous plucking of his guitar.

By the time they took a break, Carter’s face was so close to hers that Lorelei thought he was really going to kiss her this time. Lorelei’s heart pumped.

“Carter,” she said gently.

“I know,” Carter said, brushing his hand through his hair. “It’s just, seeing you brings back so many emotions for me. It makes me feel young again, yes, but that’s not all. We make magic together, Lorelei.” He tried to lace his fingers through Lorelei’s, but Lorelei clamped her hand into a fist.

“We need to talk,” Lorelei said.

“Uh-oh.” Carter laughed. “Can I continue my pitch first?”

Lorelei shook her head.

“Maybe after,” Carter suggested.