Page 36 of Lost Dreams

Lorelei flicked a tear away. “Honey, I’m fine. I’m having a great summer with you and Allegra and my siblings. I love being around my mother. I love working at the Lodge.”

Aurora felt a “but” hanging after her words. She ached to know more of what was on her mother’s mind.

“What’s it been like to play music with Carter Johnson?” she asked finally.

Lorelei laughed. “That guy? Gosh, I don’t know. I just don’t know how far I want to go down memory lane. It always looks so rosy from the outset, but there’s a reason you don’t build a house on memory lane and live in it forever. There’s a reason you have to move on.”

18

Not long after Aurora finished telling her horrifying story about that Roman restaurateur Nico, Aurora fell asleep in Lorelei’s bed. Lorelei sat quietly, her heart throbbing as her daughter slept peacefully. It felt as though Aurora had come in and unburdened herself. It felt as though Lorelei was meant to carry this burden for the rest of her own days, which, as Aurora’s mother, she was overwhelmed with the desire to do.

But Lorelei was restless and unable to sleep. Midnight crept to one and then to two, and she knew she had to do something. She had to fix this. Maybe that meant calling Roberto and asking for a divorce outright so that she could move forward with her life. Maybe that meant calling Roberto and telling him to lay off Aurora as well, if only so that Aurora could continue to heal.

Lorelei grabbed her phone and tiptoed out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She was reminded of putting her children to bed when they were little, how they’d always fallen asleep during story time, and Lorelei had had to creep out so as not to wake them. Aurora, especially, had been a terrible sleeper. She’d been plagued with nightmares. She hadn’t wanted to drift away.

In the kitchen, Lorelei was surprised to find Allegra and her mother, staying up late with mugs of tea. They wore light pink robes and glasses, and their makeup had been wiped clean.

“You’re still awake!” Allegra got up to hug Lorelei before turning to put the kettle back on the stove.

Francesca pulled out the chair beside her. Just now, she wore no wig, and the hair she’d managed to grow since her treatment ended was curly and gray. It made her look like an adorable mouse, which Lorelei knew better than to say aloud. Oh, she loved her mother.

Now that Aurora had unleashed her own emotions for Lorelei, Lorelei sensed that she was ready to do the same with her sister and mother. She filled her lungs.

“I asked Roberto point-blank if he was being honest with me,” she said. “And he said he wasn’t. I think it’s finally over. My marriage is over.” She felt her face crumple, but she did not cry.

Allegra and Francesca took one of each of her hands.

“It’s just like a man to be honest about his dishonesty without being more forthcoming,” Allegra said. “You asked him for his truth, and all he could do was tell you how untruthful he was.”

Lorelei squeezed her eyes shut. “I always thought he was different. But it’s like all these decades of marriage and children and restaurants weigh so heavily on our shoulders. It’s like we can no longer see each other as people. Sometimes I think that’s why I like playing music with Carter. No matter what happened between us, Carter, for some reason, sees me as I was at seventeen: bright and shiny and ready to open my heart to the world.”

Allegra scoffed, and Lorelei knew it was because of what had come after that: Carter’s abandonment and the baby she’d lost.

“What did happen between you?” Francesca asked. “Wasn’t it just the story of two teenagers going in different directions? It happens all the time.”

“Yes,” Lorelei said, although Allegra gave her a harsh look. Lorelei felt there had been too much honesty for one day. And if she was going to get around to calling Roberto, she had to save her heart from too much bruising.

After finishing her tea, Lorelei went to the veranda, where she sat in the dark and watched the fireflies dance over the beach. Her phone was like a stone in her hand. Please, she said in her mind, maybe to the universe, maybe to Roberto. But she didn’t know exactly what she wanted.

Finally, she dialed Roberto’s number. It was nearly nine in the morning in Rome, and she knew he was probably frantic, preparing for the lunch rush he prayed would come by noon. Italians were hungry, always so hungry, but they had too many choices when it came to restaurants, and they were picky.

“Good morning,” Roberto said, his voice sort of flat. But he’d answered.

“Hi,” Lorelei said. “Where are you?”

“Walking to the restaurant,” Roberto said. The walk from their place to the restaurant took no more than twenty minutes. Roberto and Lorelei had done it thousands of times over the years.

“Are you going to get yourself a cornetto from the bakery on the way?” Lorelei asked.

Roberto laughed at the memory. For more than a year, they’d always gotten a cornetto filled with pistachio cream from the same place, nearly every day, which had resulted in them both gaining weight: five pounds for Lorelei and twelve for Roberto. They’d had to go on a strict diet after that, which hadn’t been easy, given their proximity to delicious things.

“I might skip a cornetto this time,” Roberto said. “But I could pick one up for you, if you like?”

“Please,” Lorelei said, her voice wavering with tears. “I’d like pistachio and maybe a vanilla cream.”

“Delicious,” Roberto said.

There were sirens in the distance, coming closer. It was clear that Rome was active and awake, while Lorelei sat by the ocean in the dark.