Page 44 of Insidious

“I wouldn’t—I would never. I would never have done that. Amelie was there with me!”

My chest feels like it is closing up. Amelie was with me. My heart starts to pound again. I wildly look around at Lily, then at Isaac, waiting for them to tell me this is a joke. There is sympathy in their eyes. I don’t deserve it.

“I understand this may be difficult to hear,” he says calmly. “And sometimes, when there’s been a head injury, especially a bleed, you may not have a clear memory of the events surrounding it.”

But I’m already shaking my head.

No.

No.

No.

Because—

That means—

I can’t breathe.

I left her.

I put her at risk.

My gaze drops as everything blurs.

I can’t look at them. Not at Lily. Not at Isaac. Not at anyone.

How could I have done that?

The room feels smaller.

A chair moves closer.

Soft and careful, the nurse sits beside me.

She has beautiful grey hair, cut in a neat bob. Kind brown eyes that don’t look away, don’t judge.

“I’m part of the psych support team. My name is Sandra,” she says gently. Her voice is warm honey. “Sometimes, postpartum depression can make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. You need to remember this is because of the chemicals in your body misbehaving,” she continues. “It changes how you think. How you feel. How you cope.”

I swallow hard, still not looking up. My fingers have become interesting all of a sudden.

“But even then,” she says softly, “you thought of your daughter.”

My brow furrows slightly. I finally do what she is willing me to do and look up.

“That’s why you called your friend,” she adds, tilting her chin towards Lily, who nods. “Even at your worst, you made sure she was safe.”

I blink slowly.

“You did good, Luna.”

Chapter 11

Luna

The next few days blur into each other, like I am slowly being sewn back together, one small stitch at a time.

The first evening after I wake up, Mum and Dad turn up with Amelie, and every detail seems to come into focus.