Page 102 of Insidious

“They’re not sensitive anymore. I don’t feel sexy. When Isaac … you know … snuggles, I feel ‘oh, no’.”

“Luna,” Sandra says gently, “your body has gone through pregnancy, surgery, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, trauma, depression, and sensory overload.”

When she lists it all out like that, it sounds vaguely medically catastrophic.

“You’re constantly being touched,” she continues. “Holding the baby. Feeding the baby. Carrying the baby. Sometimes, your nervous system just reaches capacity.”

That makes sense.

“The C-section scar doesn’t help either,” I admit eventually. “Everything feels … tighter now. Like I am waiting for my insides to spill.”

“What are you doing for yourself physically?”

“I started yoga again.”

“Good.”

“And Isaac’s been great,” I say, before she misunderstands. “Honestly … he’s been everything. No pressure.”

There’s a listening warmth in Sandra’s silence.

“I just feel like I’m letting him down. I know he must be … deprived, I guess.”

“Why?”

“Because he still …” I hesitate. “He still seems to want me.”

Sandra catches it instantly.

“Seems?”

I stare down at Amelie’s tiny hand curled against my chest.

“It’s my body,” I admit quietly. “I hate looking at it. So, part of me keeps thinking …” I swallow. “Maybe Isaac feels the same way too. I know he doesn’t. He stares at my boobs like they are hypnotising him.”

Sandra is quiet for a second.

“Does he act like a man who’s repulsed by you?”

I huff out a laugh despite myself.

“No. No … I think he wants me.”

“Then why are you trusting your insecurities over his actual behaviour?”

I open my mouth, then close it again.

Because annoyingly, yet again, she has a point.

“He looks at you and sees the woman he loves,” Sandra says gently. “You look at yourself and see a long list of changes that don’t meet your criteria for attractiveness.”

Very true, that.

“And for the record,” she adds drily, “most men are not nearly as sophisticated about bodies as women think they are. They have a whole penis while we have a puny clit. Our job is much easier than theirs.”

I cannot help but giggle.

“He genuinely sounds obsessed with you, from what you are telling me.”