Page 104 of Apparently, I’m Trouble

Kira had a panic attack. Kira wasn’t okay.

And neither was I, but for very different reasons.

The time Theo and I spent together didn’t feel like we were just getting sexual tension out of our systems. It felt like more than that.

And I felt hot and prickly and frustrated because, despite what Theo told me, I didn’t know what that more was. I couldn’t sleep last night, and as the alcohol in my system dissolved into something achy and sober, I kept replaying all those easy moments together.

Him cooking for me, making my bed, cleaning my kitchen. Him dancing with me. Him making me laugh with a goofy smile and a dirty joke. Him showing me pictures of his daughter on the subway. Him by my side at the bookstore. Him throwing back shot after shot just because I wanted him to. Him sobering the minute he heard Kira needed him.

It was the worst night of my life. But only because I’d just had the best weekend of my life.

And maybe Theo was right about my standards, and it only felt so good because they were too low. But that wasn’t it. It felt like someone strong and steady had just given me an irreplaceable gift, and I didn’t know what to do with it.

As I made my way through the morning, I had this insane urge to bring him up in every conversation. I wanted to run to the staffroom, take Lilly’s hands in mine, and just spill all of it out–my feelings, my thoughts–because while I was away from him, it felt like this deep, heady emotion had nowhere else to go.

It was just building inside me, boiling and roiling, and there were no two ways about it. I was about to blow.

I had to tell Lilly.

“Wait, wait, slow down.” Lilly held her copy of Arlena Brandowe’s latest book as I nervously fidgeted with my fingers. “I can’t believe you got this signed for me.” She pressed it to her chest and made an adorably happy noise. “Thank you.”

I let out a nervous laugh. “Just remember how much you love me right now, okay?”

Her smile slipped. “Oooohhhhkaaaay. What’s going on?” She studied me then, like she was seeing me for the first time today. “You look a little tired.”

“You have no idea how tired I am.”

She frowned. “Why? What happened?”

I smoothed my hands down my pencil skirt and took a breath, steadying myself. Lilly knew what that meant.

“Oh. This is big, isn’t it?”

“It’s… largish,” I admitted.

“How big exactly?”

“Big enough to fill our doorframe and build a few wooden sets for Gem.”

Her green eyes cleared. “You mean Kira’s father.”

I nodded. “Yep. Him.”

She set the book on the table behind her and folded her arms. “What’d he do now?”

I locked eyes with her as the word slipped out. “Me.”

“You?” She scrunched her nose. Then her lips dropped into a shocked ‘o’. “He did you?”

I shushed her and quickly shut the staffroom door. “Yes. He did… me.”

“What does that even mean?” she asked, putting a hand to her stomach. Oh, cripes. The last thing I wanted to do was give her a panic attack.

“I… it just happened, and I–”

She surprised me by bursting out with, “You said you’d rather get a bull’s ass tattooed on your forehead than sleep with him.”

I winced. “Please don’t hold me to that. I’d have to cut bangs, and you know they don’t look good on me.”