Page 56 of The Marriage Rebound

I leaned back in my chair and took in my wife. This was a new side of her. Reserved was never a word I’d associated with Sasha, yet the uncharacteristic behavior she was displaying was just that—reserved.

Or self-aware.

Even her earlier tears weren’t something I was accustomed to seeing. Sasha got angry, defensive, gave me attitude. Sasha didn’t give me vulnerability, at least never like this.

“Sasha, baby, you knew traveling was part of my job.”

She lifted her attention to me. “But you took me. In the beginnin’, Courtney, you wanted me around. I flew to the away games. You wanted me around!” Her voice cracked and it squeezed my heart. “Ever’body always too busy for me. My folks. You. Always got somethin’ more important to do.”

We were headed down a familiar path. I took a moment before responding because I didn’t want us to end up talking in circles like we often did. I started to retort, but paused, remembering her saying something about me being like her parents on Thanksgiving.

“What do your folks have to do with anything?”

I didn’t mind my mother-in-law so much. But her father . . . the few times I was around him, the air of disapproval was strong. Sasha always wrote it off as him having the “no one is good enough for his little girl” mentality, but it was something more, though neither of them ever came right out and said anything. However, the bull he’d tried to start at dinner gave me some clue.

And at least they made some sort of effort to get to know me. The same couldn’t be said for my own parents. I couldn’t even be sure if they knew I was married.

Sasha finished off her wine then promptly refilled her glass. She took another long sip and I held my tongue. I was here, there was no loneliness, yet she was drinking as if there were something else to numb.

“I didn’t stay with Big Mama because it’s what I wanted. I mean, I did, I love my grandmother, but . . . I wanted to be with my Momma and Daddy. But it was no place for a child. Or I was too rambunctious. Or whatever countless other excuses they told me as they dumped me.” Her voice cracked and some things started to click.

She’d told me she spent a lot of time with her grandmother because her parents traveled and went to boring meetings for his aspiring—though low-level—political career, and as a kid it was no fun. Learning that wasn’t actually the case only served to highlight my thoughts and what I’d discussed with Shae and Doc. Sasha swirled the red liquid around in her glass before downing the rest. I grabbed the bottle before she could, which resulted in her narrowing her eyes at me and flopping back in her chair.

I pushed back from the table, pausing to reach for her hand as I passed by her. She flicked her gaze up at me, but slid her warm hand into mine, following with no resistance as I led us to the couch. Vuitton looked up as if we were disturbing his peace when we sat. He truly had too much attitude for someone who paid no bills and had his every need catered to by the humans he was currently side-eyeing.

I kept our fingers intertwined while stroking her palm with my thumb. “First, I’m not your parents. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t want you around. Second, the things I have to do are so that I can take care of you. That is my top priority. Always has been. You like stuff, Sash. You always have. When I met you, you had a certain lifestyle and it’s been on me to maintain that.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know you’re not my parents, but . . . but it all feels the same. And I know you didn’t know because—” She simply shrugged. “And yes, I like things. Always have. It’s how they showed affection. It’s how I learned to make myself feel better. So, when you’re not here—I know you have to travel, but again, I get lonely, and pretty things, like the drinkin’, make me feel better.”

So many things rolled through my head, and once again I held back my first response which, sadly, would be to dismiss her admission even though I fed into the problem. Things. Giving her and Mya things was how I provided. To make sure neither went without, fueled by all the letdowns from my own parents because they were too wrapped up in each other. Missed field trips or registration fees. I’d learned early not to get my hopes up, but I’d been working since Mya’s first letdown experience and hadn’t stopped.

“And I want you to have all the pretty things. That’s what I work—”

Sasha put her hands on either side of my face, interrupting me. “Gotdamnit, Courtney, you are more than a fuckin’ paycheck to me. I know. I know how I’ve been, but I’ve also said plenty of times that I wanted you. Just you.” She held me there, staring at me.

I wrapped my fingers around her wrists. “I know you have.” It was a sticking point in many of our fights, her wanting me home more.

She pulled free from my light grasp and frowned. “No. I don’t think you get it. The same way you say you wouldn’t have asked me to marry you if you didn’t want me around, it works both ways. I wouldn’t have said yes if I didn’t want you around.”

I pulled in a deep breath, recalling parts of the conversation I had with Mya. In theory, it made perfect sense that my spending time with my wife would be a no-brainer, that it would be something she’d want . . . I wanted that. But if I was here, then I wasn’t doing what I needed to do in order to provide.

“Forget it,” she said, pushing off the sofa and heading back to the table. “You still think I’m being unreasonable.”

I made it over to her before she could refill her glass with the remaining wine.

“Damn it, Courtney! Not fair!” she shrieked as I held the bottle up and out of her reach. She pulled out a chair and tried to climb up, but I wrapped my other arm around her waist, swinging her around to stop her progress. Vuitton jumped off the couch and ran over, barking at us for the commotion.

“Hush, Vuitton. We’re good,” I said, trying to quiet him.

“No, we aren’t,” Sasha contradicted, breaking free of the loose hold I had on her. “What’s even the damn point of whatever this is supposed to be if you still ain’t listenin’ to me!”

Vuitton kept barking and running around our feet, which gave me flashbacks to the morning I fell down the stairs. “Stop!” I yelled. He whimpered, then scurried behind Sasha.

She scooped him up, cradling him. I set the wine on the table before collapsing back on the sofa. I rested my head on the cushion, covering my eyes with my arm. This was not going how I’d expected, though I truly hadn’t known what to expect. I did know this was the moment I’d normally get frustrated and fed up and walk away for my own peace of mind, and it was taking everything in me to not do that.

I heard her say something to him about going out. A few seconds later, the back door opened and closed. I blew out a long sigh. After getting the checklist from Doc and thinking things through, I’d been hopeful, but it was like two steps forward and twenty steps back. I sat up, trying to roll the tension from my neck just as the two of them came back inside.

Sasha didn’t say anything when she sat at the other end of the couch, but when she released Vuitton he slowly approached me. I rubbed his head, and that seemed to be all he needed to climb into my lap and attempt to lick my face, which I never allowed.