Page 55 of The Marriage Rebound

Chapter 20

Courtney

This looks delicious. I’m starving.”

“Did you not have breakfast?”

Sasha took the seat across from me at the large table we rarely actually used, instead choosing to take most of our meals at the island.

“I did. Grabbed a banana before checkout, but had more when I met up with Shae at Flying Biscuit before we went to get a workout in.”

Sasha didn’t say anything. Instead, she focused on mixing her steak in before taking a bite.

“What?”

“What do you mean?”

“That was definitely a look you just gave me.”

Sasha sliced into a sliver of steak, loading up her fork with a little bit of everything from the salad. She shoved the bite into her mouth and chewed, then she picked up her glass of lemonade to rinse it down before she spoke again.

“I’m tryin’ here, Court. I really am. I’m tryin’, but you took off without sayin’ anythin’. And I understand, I do . . . well, I think I understand why. But it does hurt to know you got back in town, didn’t call. Didn’t come home. And your friends have seen you before I have. With everythin’ else, it puts me in my feelin’s just a lil’ bit.”

I took my own bite of lunch as her words turned over in my head. “The phone works both ways, Sasha.”

Sasha pressed her lips together as she stared into her bowl. She lifted her gaze back to meet mine. “You’re right.”

I waited to see if she’d say more. When she didn’t, I addressed her statement. “Yeah, I did everything you said I did. I told you I needed time. I needed to think. Needed to figure some things out.”

She took in a slow breath then let it out. “I’m happy you’re home. I really am. And I mean everything I said about apologizin’ and wishin’ I had handled things better. And about not wantin’ to lose you. I really, really do. I know I fucked up. I admit that, and I get why you’d want to punish me for that.”

“This isn’t about punishing you, Sash, not at all. It’s the exact opposite.” I paused and took a breath. If I wanted a change, I had to see things through and stop bending for the misguided sake of peace, which was only an illusion at best. “I wasn’t punishing you, Sasha. I was giving you the opportunity to make the first move.”

She started to speak, then stopped. “So, a test,” she finally said quietly.

I shook my head. “Not at all. There have been issues with us, and I don’t know . . .” I held up my wrist to look at my cast. “It’s easy to ignore things when I’m not home, but being forced to stay put, I guess it highlighted all the things I wanted to pretend weren’t a big deal. Like me always being the one to apologize or doing what’s needed to smooth things over between us. I realized when things are broken, there can’t be only one person doing the fixing.”

She picked up her glass of lemonade and then set it down. “I need somethin’ stronger. I know you think I drink too much, and that that’s one of the reasons I’m gonna make a bad mother.”

I placed down my fork and knife and ran my hands over my face. “That was a shitty thing for me to say.”

She pushed back from the table and strolled over to the wine fridge, searching through until she came back with a bottle, an opener, and two glasses. “Yeah, it was.” She opened the Pinot Noir, poured a generous amount, then took a long sip before she filled the second glass and slid it over to me.

I didn’t really want it, but took it all the same. “I’m not tryna fight. That’s not what I want this conversation to be. Honest. I think we’ve spent a lot of time talking at each other instead of to each other.”

“You did do a lot of thinkin’, huh.”

I shrugged.

Sasha loaded up her fork and took another bite, washing it down with another sip of wine. “I don’t wanna fight either, and I’m just happy you at least wanna have a conversation.”

I laughed quietly and went back to eating. It was another slight dig, but fair. “Look, do I think your drinking gets a little carried away sometimes?” I wiggled my fingers in the cast. “Yes. But what I said . . . I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so . . . I’ve seen you with your lil’ cousins, how you treat them, being present and attentive. Implying you’d be any less if we were to have a child was fucked up of me.”

She pulled the corner of her lip between her teeth, then let out a sigh. “Thank you for apologizin’. And I mean, considerin’ my behavior lately, I could see why you would have that . . . worry.”

I wiped my mouth before taking a sip of the wine she’d served me. “Let’s talk about it,” I said, pushing my bowl forward then crossing my arms on the table. “Keepin’ it a hundred, the amount you drink does concern me at times. I’m all for having a good time, and this isn’t me judging, but, baby, it feels out of hand sometimes.”

Sasha started to pick up her wine, then dropped her hands into her lap instead. “I know, but . . . but it just helps me numb the loneliness. I get upset, Court. I get jealous and frustrated, and if I’m havin’ a drink I can focus on that, on the party and not everythang else. On being left behind.” She kept her gaze down as she spoke.