Page 96 of Found in Wild Sage

I won’t say that it never should’ve been a hearing to begin with and that the fact that Trevor had been able to file a legitimate claim after what he’s done is insane, but I stop short of it. There is a part of me that’s bracing for him to contact Evie and ask about seeing Charlie even if he can’t have regular custody, but we’ll deal with that if and when it comes.

“I’m sure you are.” She smiles, then reaches out for Charlie like she just can’t help herself. She pats his shoe, which is innocuous enough, and I bid her adieu.

Finn’s in the corner with headphones and a coffee. Charlie doesn’t see him, and something about the way he’s bent over a notebook writing furiously with his pen makes me think we’re better off leaving him uninterrupted. Has he already been to the farm for the day? He likely has lessons later, and most of his personal training clients are morning and evening. I should probably know more about his life and schedule.

A pang of guilt hits me when I remember his pained words about me having so much of what other people want. Finn has always wanted a big family. He’s always wanted a second generation of what we’ve had. He hasn’t said it, but I think turning thirty this year hit him unexpectedly hard. Not that it’s old, but it’s not what he had planned.

I can relate to that.

Resolving to check in on my little brother in the next week, I grab our drink tray and bag of pastries. Right as we’re exiting the shop, Gus walks in. He gives Charlie a high-five and me a pat on the back. I’d forgotten that about him, the way he’s so hands-on. Part of me wants to make an excuse to see how it goes between him and May, but it’s time to get back.

Maybe he’s there to meet Finn. That eases my mind a bit for both of them.

Even still, after I deliver a giggling Charlie to snuggle Evie in bed, I shoot off a text to Grant. He and I need to circle up about all of our siblings sometime soon now that my drama is over. Eirinn and Davis, Finn, May and whatever’s going on with her brusqueness with Gus, and Mac. My heart squeezes thinking about them all, hoping they’ll have, or have again, the happiness Grant and I have both found.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Evie

We arrive at the farmhouse at half past twelve.

Charlie is cranky, but happy to see his grammy, which is a relief. Declan, on the other hand, seems preoccupied. I’m grateful to Mary, who’s offered to watch Charlie while we have lunch after the preschool notified us of a last-minute training they’d forgotten to mention they scheduled for this afternoon. Since Declan would be at his volunteer job this afternoon and I needed to work, we could’ve canceled, but when Mary found out, she begged us to let her keep Charlie.

I’ve been spoiled by Dec’s full focus and attention since we started planning to marry, so this is a notable turn. He’s not cold or withdrawn, just distracted in a way I’ve never seen him. It’s got me a little antsy, and also grateful we’re about to have some time alone.

But Charlie’s been a little clingy this morning and I don’t have the heart to drop him and run. So many more people have folded into our routine lately, and even though they’re all wonderful, it’s a lot of change for one little guy. For me, too, though the changes are all so good.

“Your dad had to go help Finn with Sweet Pea, so it’ll probably just be me and Charlie today. Is that okay? Can we play together?” She holds out a hand to him, letting him lead the way and come to her rather than just snatching him from my arms.

God bless her. I know she has experience with kids after raising six of them and having four grandkids already, but I’m perpetually relieved she has the sense not to just do whatever she wants with my son. She’s sensitive to his mood and his age, and I think to me, too. She’s wonderful.

After a few minutes, Charlie is settled at a little table with crayons and paper, and Mary is shooing us out the door. “I’ll see you whenever you’re back. Take all the time you need.”

“I’ll be back by five at the latest.”

She tuts. “Like I said, take all the time you need.”

Declan opens my door for me, then jogs around to his side once he shuts me in. Even with his mind elsewhere, he’s unfailingly courteous. I can’t ignore the worry burrowing into my chest. Maybe we should go over to the barn instead, and I’ll finally meet Sunshine and the other horses. That’d be fun, and I could avoid whatever is going on with Dec.

But no. I’m not avoiding this, and I don’t even know what this is. It’s maybe nothing. I’m trying not to let it grow into something bigger until I can ask him what’s going on, but my history hasn’t exactly taught me that when a man’s mood shifts, things will work out just fine.

That said, and I know this down to my soul, Declan would never hurt me. He is nothing like Trevor, and I don’t doubt that. Some of this is just my knee-jerk reaction to something different that’s out of my control. But lately, so much has been out of my control, and it has all turned out to be good. I can mentally agree that I should calm the crap down and enjoy the lovely scenery. The leaves are starting to turn, and the sky is that bright Ryan family blue I love. It’s gorgeous.

“Before we get to lunch, I’d like to talk to you about something.”

My pulse shoots from normal to… abnormal. Undoubtedly a number Dr. Martinez and yes, Dr. Ryan, would find concerning.

“Okay. I’ve been wondering if you had something on your mind.” It’s laughable what an understatement that has become in the last five seconds.

He doesn’t speak for a minute, but once he puts the car in park and shuts off the engine, he turns to me. His handsome face is clean-shaven as he clearly prefers. He takes my hand and holds it with both of his.

The contact is soothing, but it also makes me feel like he’s bracing me for something.

“I’m sorry to say this because you’ve never done anything to make me not trust you, but I am freaking out a little bit that whatever’s coming is something horrible so if you could just tell me, that’d be great.”

His eyes go wide and he hauls me into a hug.

“No, no, love. I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.” He pulls back and grabs my hand again. “I’ve been in my own head too much, and I’m sorry. That is one of my flaws, for sure. I’ve been thinking about how much I’d like us to take a honeymoon, but I’m not sure if it’s too much to ask. I’ve been going around and around about it and realized I should just talk to you instead of exploring every option in my echo chamber of one.” He presses a kiss to the back of my hand. “I’m sorry I made you worry.”