Page 86 of Found in Wild Sage

After work, I’m going to ask if Clementine can keep Charlie at daycare for an extra half-hour. They stay open until five-thirty, but I’m always early on Fridays so I want to double-check. Then, I’m going to march Dec home and let him have it.

And by that, I mean I’m going to tell him he’s exactly the kind of man I want. That I’ve wanted him well before he offered to marry me. That I want him in every way he seems to want me.

And instead of having my way with him then, I’m also going to prove it to him. We’ll get through the custody hearing next week. It will go my way because it has to. And then we’ll be together.

Maybe he needs for us to divorce to make him certain I don’t feel obligated to him, but I think I can help him see that gratitude and obligation are not the same. And hopefully then, we can really do this thing.

It’s such an odd feeling to be angry, heartsick, and hopeful all at once. But that’s how I’m feeling as I wait for him to exit the clinic at a few minutes after five. That’s the driving braid of energy powering me forward as we reach the house.

That’s at the heart of me when I ask him to take a seat in his charming little front sitting room and take one across from him.

“I’ve had some time to think, and I want to clarify a few things before you say anything. Are you comfortable listening for a while?”

“Of course. I’m sorry I⁠—”

“Ah, that’s another rule. No more apologizing.”

His lips firm into an unhappy line, but he nods. The rigid line of his shoulders and the tension in his neck and jaw tell me he’s been miserable, and still is. So instead of launching into my many excellent points regarding how we move forward, I shift gears momentarily.

“Actually first, could you stand?”

He does so, standing tall as though he might next walk to the gallows.

My whole chest squeezes with an overflow of tenderness for him. I stand, too, then approach him and don’t stop until I’ve wrapped my arms around him and pressed my face into his chest. One heartbeat, and then his arms come around me, too.

We breathe together for a few seconds, holding one another close, and I feel a bit of the tension bleed out of him, just like it does me. I pull back and look up at him.

Goodness, he’s handsome.

“Okay. That’s better. Don’t you think?”

A smile flickers over his serious mien. “Much. Thank you.”

And because he’s so adorable, I lean up and press a kiss to his jaw, then back away. Being this close to him, his warmth and scent and that steady energy he has even when he’s tense… it’s too alluring. Especially after wanting to be close to him like this so acutely.

We both take our seats again and I fold my hands, mentally reviewing where I want to begin.

“One thing I think you need to know is that while I am grateful to you, I do not feel obligated to you, especially for something like sex.”

He blinks. His jaw flexes, and I know that if I hadn’t specifically asked him not to speak while I am, he would say something now.

“I believe you didn’t mean to be insulting with that. I know. But I’m frustrated because I don’t know how best to make that clear except to say that for now, I’m officially saying that we will not sleep together or have any… intimate encounters until, at the earliest, after the hearing next week.”

He gives nothing away now. Since he had resigned himself to not having any of that if it was based on a sense of indebtedness, I suppose it’s not particularly impactful. Fine.

“I’m hoping at that point, if needed, we can negotiate a timeline for our divorce. We’ll know what level of custody, if any, Trevor is awarded, and we’ll be free to end this if that’s what you decide.”

His lips press together and he shifts around. I don’t know if he dislikes this, or just deeply dislikes that he promised me he wouldn’t speak. But he’s a man of his word, so he doesn’t.

I stand and approach him, then kneel on either side of his legs and sit. I cup his face in my hands.

“The last thing I need to say is that I had a crush on you from pretty much the day I met you.”

He blinks, and something in his expression heats.

“By the time Sam moved here, I was basically half in love with you.” I swallow the nerves. “And one of my biggest hesitations in this arrangement was how I’d manage those ever-growing feelings while I was living with you.”

He’s shocked, if his wide eyes are anything to go by. He breaks his promise not to speak, but I can’t blame him at this point.