Page 84 of Waking Roslyn

I expected to find him sparring close to Sutton Manor with the others, so I was taken completely off guard when I approached the stream and found John there on the other side.

Crouched down.

Splashing water on his face.

And his chest.

His bare chest.

My feet came to an abrupt halt and I swayed where I stood as I tried to remember how to breathe.

His torso was just as well-defined as his arms, and I couldn’t help but stare as rivulets of water ran over his skin.

I sucked a lungful of air through my teeth as he splashed his face one more time then raked his fingers through his hair to push it out of his face.

I’d encountered my fair share of attractive men, but never had my reaction been so visceral. I’d leaned back against that chest in the shed. I’d been wrapped in those arms. On top of all of John’s goodness and humor, he could also make me go utterly stupid just by being shirtless.

Gloriously shirtless.

I should leave. I should turn around and walk away and wait for him to be clothed so that I would not make an utter cake of myself by being completely jelly-kneed when he saw me.

Yes, I would do that. I would leave this moment. I would.

I didn’t.

And then he looked up. He saw me standing there, and his usual friendly grin stretched his face. “Rose,” he said as he stood, looking delighted to see me. He grabbed up his shirt from the ground, then jumped the stream and pulled the shirt over his head as he walked toward me, entirely unaware of the fog I was swimming through. Then his face dropped in concern. “Are you all right?”

Was I all right? I looked at the way his shirt stuck to his still-damp skin. On the one hand, I was better than I’d ever been. But on the other hand…why had I come out here? I had needed him. I’d been upset and worked up over something. The trip. Going home. A uniform.

I managed to take a fairly normal breath as he drew closer, and then I focused on my original reasons for being here that were now flooding back. I shook my head to answer his question. “No, not really.”

He rested his hands at the side of my neck and tipped my face up so that he could look at me, his thumb caressing just under my jaw. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I didn’t want to tell him what was wrong. All I wanted was for him to move closer. I looked up into his eyes, terrified and anxious and excited. I wanted to feel what it was like to be kissed. Not just by anyone, but by him. Before I returned to my old life, before it got complicated with everything I would have to face, I just wanted the simplicity of feeling his lips on mine. Even if I knew deep down that it would not be simple at all.

My eyes drifted down to his mouth and I let out a shaky exhale, going up on my toes and straining my neck, but he was so much taller than me that I needed him to come down and meet me. And though his head was tilted down to look at me, he was still out of reach. When a flash of fire burned in his eyes, I knew he recognized what I wanted. I could hear his breathing, and he even canted toward me just a bit. I summoned all my bravery and reached up a hand, fisting it in his shirt and tugging gently. He stooped a bit more, coming a little closer, and just when I started to believe that he would allow himself to kiss me, he turned his face away and dropped his forehead to my shoulder.

I took several ragged breaths, confused and disappointed.

Quickly on the heels of that disappointment came humiliation. It washed over me and I pinched my eyes shut. I stepped back and pushed away from him, desperate to run home and hide in my room, but he caught my arm, forcing me to stay.

“No, Rose, no,” he said gently as he tugged me back into his arms, holding my head against his chest with his large hand. “I just…saints above, I want to kiss you so badly right now, but…you’re upset, and I can’t when I know you’re upset. That would feel…wrong. Tell me what’s wrong first and then maybe…”

I shook my head, knowing I should be grateful for how caring and respectful he was being, but my cheeks still flamed with rejection.

“Please, Roslyn. It’s me. You came to find me for a reason. Tell me why first.”

First. I let that word give me hope. Maybe he really did want to kiss me, and if I just talked first, he might be willing to do just that. So I blurted out, “Uniforms.”

He stilled, probably confused. “What?”

I pulled away and he let me step back and out of his reach. I crossed my arms, trying to hold myself together even though a cacophony of fear, want, humiliation, anxiety, and need rampaged through me. “If you are to act as my guard, you need a uniform. But I don’t know how to get one.”

His brow furrowed in an adorable way. “Is that necessary?”

I nodded. “The best way to prevent an attack is for it to be obvious that I have competent protection. Your size would make people hesitate, but it wouldn’t be enough to keep someone from trying if they truly meant me harm. A uniform signals that you have both the defensive and observational skills to defend me.”

He blinked. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sound so highborn before.”