Page 83 of Waking Roslyn

But if Rockwell would not send a guard, what could be done? I would go mad if I had to send her off and just hope for the best. Granted, I’d be going mad regardless. I hated the idea of being here at Bridgefield while she was off in Saldine, facing her dragons. If I could just go with her…

Wait. Could I?

I forced myself to take a few moments to think through that idea before blurting, “Let me come with you.”

She looked up. “What?” The hope on her face was so obvious. She didn’t try to hide it at all.

“I may not be an official member of any guard. I’m not a soldier. But I have skills. I’ve been trained by one of the best guards Winberg has. I’ve—”

“You don’t have to convince me.” Again her expression held such unfettered trust that it nearly took my knees out from under me. I watched as relief flooded over her and her lips managed to turn up. Then she stepped toward me, grabbing the front of my shirt and tipping her head back to look at me. “Would you really do it?”

I nodded mutely, my fingers reaching up to rest on the side of her neck. Gads, I wanted to kiss her. “I want nothing more,” I finally managed, “but would Lord and Lady Rockwell agree to it?” I asked.

She nodded almost immediately. “I think Lisette could convince him. She’s worried too. Neither of us feels good telling Edmund the truth, but it’s gotten to the point where we were considering telling him in the hopes that he would send someone with me. But if you would be willing to come…”

“Of course I’m willing. I want to come, Rose.” I moved just a little closer. “I need to come.”

She let out a little chuckle of relief and then, for just a moment, I could have sworn she raised up on her toes as her eyes darted to my mouth. But I wasn’t sure and I hesitated too long, so she retreated and put her arms around me instead, resting her cheek against my heart. She could probably hear it pounding.

“If you’re going to come with me…you should probably start calling me Roslyn.”

I was confused for a moment, until I realized. “You’ve been going by a different name this whole time?”

She pulled back and looked up at me. “Just a nickname. My parents often call me Rose. But Saldian society knows me as Lady Roslyn.”

I took her hand in both of mine, then let my gaze linger on hers as I said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I kissed her hand. “Lady Roslyn.”

19

Roslyn

Lisette had agreed to let John go with me, even going so far as to promise to lie to Edmund if he happened to notice that he was missing a groundskeeper. But I realized only three days before we were set to depart that even though John had the physique of a soldier, he didn’t have the uniform.

Lisette and I didn’t dare to ask Edmund about such a thing, but how else was I going to make John look as legitimate as I needed him to? I thought seriously about stealing one of the uniforms from the laundry, but the theft would no doubt be noticed, and someone would be blamed for it and likely fired if Edmund had any say in the matter.

So then, what? I had been able to keep most of my anxiety at bay since John had agreed to go with me, but now it was all seeping up to the surface. After I stabbed myself three times with an embroidery needle, I tossed the fabric aside and went downstairs, thinking I might find a book or some other distraction in the library. But the library was dim and stuffy and held the memory of the guard asking for my company, which only added to my disquiet, and the truth was that I wanted to go find John. I wanted him to make me feel better. I wanted him to help me find a solution. I wanted…him.

I went out the back door and wandered the gardens, hoping I would spot John as he worked. I bent to breathe in the individual blooms of the vibrant flowers, but even the fragrance of so many blossoms did nothing to alleviate the panic that was churning inside me. I gave up and went to the kitchen, hoping to find Jeanie.

Instead, I found Gretchen sitting at the table with a young man. They were smiling, but as soon as he looked up and saw me, his smile dropped and he shot to his feet. “I was just going back to work.” He moved to leave, but Gretchen grabbed on to his sleeve and yanked him back down.

“She’s not going to get us in trouble,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

His eyes darted from her to me and back.

“I’m not,” I said, holding my hands up in an innocent gesture. “I don’t even know why you would be in trouble.”

Gretchen grinned and bumped her shoulder into his. “See?” Then she turned back to me. “Are you looking for John?”

“Yes. I just needed to ask if—”

“He’s over at Sutton. I think he’s nervous about protecting you, so he’s been putting in extra time with Falstone.”

The wave of emotion that rushed over me made my heart warm and melty. “He is?”

She nodded as if it were of no consequence, as if I shouldn’t feel the urge to admit to myself that I was falling in love with him. “Thank you,” I said vaguely and wandered back out the door.

As I meandered toward the path that would take me to Sutton, I couldn’t help feeling woefully undeserving. What would prompt anyone to fight for me the way that John was? Why would he do that for me?