Page 96 of A Newport Christmess

“And I’m sorry. If I could go back and do it differently, I would. I swear to you.”

I felt nothing at his declaration. “Why did you leave?”

“Because I was an idiot.”

“Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me the truth.”

“The truth?” He released a quick breath. “The truth is, I really don’t even know.”

I stared at him. “What do you mean? There has to be a reason? Something I did that would make you break your vows to me—your promises.”

He shook his head and shrugged.

“Was it that I’m disorganized ... or paranoid ... or not driven enough?” I was reeling, grasping for any reason he might have left, but he shook his head. There had to have been something. I released a shaky exhale, nervous to ask my next question. “Was it our intimate relationship?”

His hands came to my arms, his fingers tracing patterns over my skin, but all I felt was a distant memory of how his touch had once affected me. It didn’t anymore. “It definitely wasn’t that.”

His confirmation loosened my tightly knotted chest, and I took a step back, breaking his contact with my arms. “Then what, Cody? Someone doesn’t walk out on a person they love for no reason. There had to be something.”

He shrugged. “Marriage wasn’t what I thought it would be.”

My body trembled from my heightened emotions. “You’ve said that. But what do you mean?”

By the look on his face, I could tell this wasn’t turning out for him like he’d wanted. It wasn’t for me either. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I wasn’t ready for marriage, but everyone was pressuring us. And I get it. It was the natural step after five years of dating, but I didn’t understand what I was committing to when I made all those promises. But I understand now, and I intend to keep my word to you.”

I gawked at him. “You already broke your word. Please tell me you see that?” His expression was guarded, but I wasn’t sure the answers I’d come for were there regardless. “You know what? I’ve got to go. I have somewhere I need to be.”

He flung a hand toward the door. “You’re just going to walk out of here before we can fix things?”

I stilled. “Did you really just say that? That I’m going to walk out? Like the fault of this somehow lies with me when I’ve been waiting for almost a year for you to come fix things?” I threw up my hands. “It’s too late now. You shattered my heart, and you weren’t the one to put it back together again.”

“So this is about that guy in your post—the one who was there today?”

“It’s why you came, isn’t it? That photo I posted? It was okay for you to go date whomever you wanted and fill your whole Instagram feed with pictures of other women, but you couldn’t stand the thought of me being with anyone else.”

“Yes, I admit, that’s why I came. Seeing you with him hurt in a way I wasn’t prepared for. But being here with you has reminded me of how perfect we are for each other. I want to make this work, Quinn. I care about you more than you know.”

Is this what care looked like? Because I suddenly realized it looked like food deliveries and buying a poor SoCal girl a real winter coat and boots so she wouldn’t freeze. And making a video. And losing sleep to keep a nervous wreck of a woman company in a winter storm. And appreciating talents and wanting to help someone succeed in something they loved.

My gaze locked with his. “You never once asked me about the gingerbread houses I built for Nikki. You didn’t ask me about my social media account or any of the projects I’d been working on. Not once in the last two hours did you care enough to ask about anything in my life.” Which, sadly, didn’t surprise me as much as it should have.

“I had other things on my mind.” Cody’s hands lifted at his sides. “But fine. How’d it go? Your gingerbread houses?”

The laugh that escaped me sounded empty, exhausted. “You could never stand that my attention was on anything but you. You didn’t want me to have something of my own. You wanted to keep me for yourself.”

He gaped at me like I’d slapped him across the face. “That’s not true.”

“It is.” My gaze turned distant, and I thought about Landon, about all the ways he’d shown me he cared in the last few weeks. “The people we love are supposed to support us, help us grow and thrive, not try to hold us back.” I grabbed my phone and coat off the dresser. “I’ve got to go.”

“Wait. I flew across the country to see you ... for this?”

“I never asked you to come.”

Cody pushed a hand through his hair in frustration. “Well, wish this new guy luck for me. He’ll need it.”

I hesitated on the threshold of the open door. He knew where to place his final blow, but the sting was momentary. He’d lost, and he knew it. He wanted to hurt me, like I’d hurt him. And I understood that petty desire more than he knew. I glanced over my shoulder. “Goodbye, Cody.”

TWENTY-FOUR