Page 48 of A Newport Christmess

“I can order a new one. It just doesn’t help us right now.” He moved back to his place on the couch, on the other side of the sectional from where I sat. “Sorry about that.”

“Like I said, I’m perfectly warm at the moment. And I have my coat in the closet if it comes to that.”

Landon leaned back, returning his feet to the coffee table. “I never thanked you yesterday for how you handled the whole Eliza situation.”

“You mean my superior acting skills?”

He chuckled. “Yes. That’s exactly what I mean.”

“I know it was probably taking the whole ‘pretend we’re interested in each other’ thing a little far, but when I thought about the roles being reversed—about how I’d feel if I ran into Cody and his new ... girlfriend—I couldn’t help myself. Especially after Eliza had clearly used the whole baby thing to hurt you.”

“Was it that obvious how I felt?”

My gaze dropped to my hands. “I would have felt the same.”

He went silent for a minute. “It might surprise you to hear, but after Eliza and I got married, I was eager to start a family.” He paused. “Eliza wanted to wait. She had all sorts of reasons for not wanting to have a baby, and I tried to respect her choice, but after a while, I realized that there was really one underlying reason for her wanting to wait. I couldn’t provide the life she wanted for her children. Or her. We had money, just not enough for her tastes.” He paused, his expression heavy. “When I mentioned converting our downstairs into an apartment to supplement our income, that was the last straw.”

“But you were doing it for her.”

“She didn’t see it that way. She saw it as evidence of my inabilities.” He hesitated. “Her comment about her being pregnant with their second child was her way of letting me know Mark—unlike me—was enough for her.”

“The way she glared at me when she heard we were together seemed to imply the opposite.”

“You think?”

“I’m positive.” The hope in his voice nagged at me. “Would you ever think about getting back together with her? I mean, if things were different, and she wasn’t married to Mark?”

“No.” He didn’t give a moment’s hesitation. “Eliza is a part of my past, but there’s no place for her in my future.” He crossed his arms. “How about you? If ... is it Cody?”

I nodded.

“If Cody wanted to reconcile things between you, what would you do?”

“Honestly?” The question had been one I’d thought about constantly this past year, and rarely did I stick with the same answer for long. “I don’t know. Cody has been such a big part of my life that it’s hard to imagine it without him. And despite what you might think from the few things I’ve said, he’s a great guy. He’s smart and funny. He takes—well, took—great care of me for years. But I’m not sure I could ever forgive him for what he did. For walking out on me months after he’d vowed that he’d always be there. I wish he would have talked to me about why he was so unhappy. If I could have understood his reasons for leaving ... if I’d known what I’d done wrong ... I could have tried to fix it.”

“Why do you assume it was you that was in the wrong?”

I gestured to myself. “Remember? I’m the Queen of Chaos. I always have been.” I tipped my head from one side to the other. “Not exactly like I am now—this last year I’ve somehow taken all my worst traits and amplified them tenfold—but I’ve always been disorganized, and messy, lacking ambition, too passive, aimless, scared of everything—”

“Wow.” Landon cut me off mid-sentence. “You really should try some positive self-talk.”

A sardonic laugh escaped me. “I’m not sure I could think of many positive things to say about myself at the moment.”

“I have plenty if you’d like to borrow mine for the time being.”

I stared at him, my cheeks warming at what he implied. “Like what? My canned-chicken sandwiches?” Self-degradation had always proven a useful tactic to divert attention from myself.

“Those were surprisingly good. But, no. You’re excessively honest, kind, forgiving, and creative. I could go the more superficial route and tell you you’re beautiful—stunning, actually.” In the following silence, I heard the click of his smile. “You can change the entire mood of a room in an instant.”

The air between us shifted, and my body tingled under his thoughtful notice. “That’s not true.” Compliment rejection activated.

He pointed at me in mock warning. “You can’t say anything. This is how I view you. You’re just choosing which ones to borrow.”

A smile tried to escape, but I managed to cover it with an overdone huff instead.

“You’re undeniably endearing, especially when you huff like that.”

I grabbed a decorative pillow and chucked it at him.