Page 120 of Irresistibly Wicked

She did not expect that. “That’s good, but how do you feel about it?”

“Scared.” His voice was strained, but he let out a half laugh. “I’m not exactly sought-after friend material. I’m fresh out of rehab. A walking red flag to most people. But I know it’s the right thing to do if I can afford it by then. I can’t keep holding you back, and it’s time to grow up. It’ll be a fresh start for both of us.”

The relief she felt was bittersweet. She knew she wasn’t losing him, but easing the reins of their friendship was scary for her, too. Almost as scary as letting go of her marriage to Zander was painful. But she kept that to herself and focused on Brian.

“I’m in recovery too, you know, so we both might be a red flag to some people. But to me, you’re a pillar of strength. You’re conquering your addiction, and we both know that’s no easy feat.” She let that sink in before adding, “And I’ve learned that not everyone sees us as red flags. There are good people in the world, Brian. People who don’t judge and who see beyond our addictions. People who will love all the things about you that I do.”

“You’re talking about Zander and his family, aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” she said with a smile. “I know if you get to know them, you’re going to feel incredibly loved and supported, because that’s how they’ve made me feel since the first time I met them.”

“I don’t want their pity,” he said with an edge.

“I was worried about the same thing. But they don’t pity me, and I know they won’t pity you. They’re real people who have lived through horrible things. They get it.” She told him about Ashley and about the loss of Leah’s brother and what Reese and Lettie had been through. And then she told him about the friendships she’d developed and how Zander’s family had come around for him, and for her, despite not having ever met her. “Zander says helping people is in their blood, and I’m not sure he’s wrong. His father and uncle founded the Bayside chapter of the Dark Knights, and they’re involved with anti-drug programs in schools and suicide prevention, and some of the Dark Knights are sponsors around the Cape. They offered to meet with you, and Zander said he’ll come by tomorrow and go with you to a meeting while I’m at work.”

“Fuck,” Brian said with a heavy sigh. “I hate needing people.”

“Yeah, me too. But I’ve learned it’s okay to need others. That’s what friends are for. The girls and I text all the time about books and work and stupid stuff. It’s nice, Brian. And you’ll love Zan and the rest of the guys. They’re totally down to earth, and they give each other crap all the time, like we do. Imagine having more friends like me.”

“Imagine? I have nightmares about it.”

“Hey!” She gave him a playful shove.

“I’m kidding. I know what you mean about friends. I made a few in rehab, and it was nice having people to talk to. But, Shauna, I hope you know how much I appreciate you. I want you to know that I’m not taking any of this for granted. I know how lucky I am that you’re sitting here with me right now and that you’re even willing to share your friends with me.”

“I know.”

“Good, then hopefully you’ll understand this. Last time I got sober, I think I did it for you more than me. This time I went into rehab because I was afraid of losing you, but I could have checked out at any time, and I didn’t. I stayed for myself. I want this. I want to live a drug-free life, and have friends, and be a better person than my parents were.”

“I want that for you, too.”

“I know you do. I just needed you to know I’m doing it for the right reasons this time, and as much as I don’t want to need other people’s help, I wouldn’t have this chance without it. If Zander is willing to come by tomorrow when you’re working, I’d really appreciate it, and I’ve got to say, it sounds like you found your people with these new friends.”

“You’re my people, and you always will be. Still waters or reckless tides.”

“Anchors forever, side by side,” he said with a smile. “Hopefully we’ve got still waters ahead.”

“I have faith that we will. I’m so happy you’re home, and I hope in time the Wickeds can become our people.”

“Whether or not they do, I’m happy you have them.” He grabbed the subs and set one in front of her. “But you should be sure before you introduce me to them.”

“Why?”

“Because they may end up liking me more than they like you, and then you’ll get pissed, and that’ll just turn ugly.”

She smiled, glad to hear him joking. “Because you’re easier with new people than I am?”

“No, because I’m cuter,” he teased.

“That’s debatable.”

They fell into easy banter, as if it had been lying in wait. It wasn’t the same as it had been before, but they weren’t, either, and she looked forward to finding their new normal.

THE HOUSE WAS dark, save for streaks of moonlight coming through the windows. Zander sat on the couch in a pair of sweats, staring absently at the fireplace, feeling hollowed out. It was after midnight, and Shauna never came home.

Back. She never came back.

As much as he felt like his cottage had become her home, he couldn’t fool himself any longer. He knew better. She didn’t come back because she was home with Brian. Brian would get to hear her singing with her earbuds in while she did word searches and humming Avril Lavigne when she was pushing herself at the gym. The thought grated like sandpaper. He rested his head back and closed his eyes, telling himself to get a fucking grip.