Page 132 of Breaking Hollywood

Why did she do this to me? How could she do this to me?

I thought it hurt when my parents were taken to prison, leaving Tate and me alone. But this feels so much worse. Ava took my trust and used it against me.

And for what?

Money.

Fuck, if that was all she wanted, I would have given it to her.

I would have given her anything.

Done anything for her.

But it’s all just so fucked up. Because she’s never been about money. She’s never seemed to care about it.

So, why sell me out for cash?

It just doesn’t make sense.

But then maybe I didn’t know her at all. Clearly, I didn’t.

And it’s not like I’m known for having a good judge of character. I didn’t know my parents were murdering psychos, and I’d known them for seventeen years.

I laugh out loud at my own fucking stupidity, my head thudding back against the wall.

It just…fucking hurts so much.

I loved her.

I love her.

It hurts too much, and I need it to stop. I need to stop feeling.

I rub my hand over my face, drying away my pussy tears, and get to my feet. Stepping over the mess I just made, I go to the freezer and get the bottle of vodka from there.

I unscrew the cap and take a long drink. The liquor calms my pounding pulse, chilling my veins.

I retrieve a cigarette pack from the kitchen drawer and go back into the living room.

That fucking song is still playing.

I go over to my iPod system and turn the repeat off. I click forward a song. Fall Out Boy’s “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down” starts to pump out of the speakers as I flop down on the sofa.

I get a cigarette out, put it between my lips, and light it up. I inhale a long pull of smoke.

I screw the cap off the vodka and take a long drink, letting the smoke out through my nose.

Fuck, that’s better.

This is all I need in life—cigarettes and alcohol. Wasn’t it Oasis who sang that song? They had it right. I don’t need anything else but these two things in my hands right now.

Fuck Ava. And her lies and deceit.

I don’t need her. I never did.

And fuck the rest of the world, too.

I don’t need anyone.