Page 20 of Bruised Hearts

“You trying to protect that nigga? I’m telling you now, I’m about to fuck him up.” He turned to leave again causing me to panic.

“Devin!” This time when he turned, you could see the confusion and maybe a little hurt showing on his face. I hadn’t called him that since he adopted me. “Please, don’t leave me.” The room went silent, and then his face softened. Fuck! Dropping my eyes, I cursed myself for sounding like a lil bitch. Like the fourteen year old kid that was scared of his own shadow.

“Aight.” He sat down next to me on the floor without saying anything for a while. I’m guessing he was trying to figure out what to say. “You know he can’t hurt you, right?” I nodded while looking down at my hands. “I’m not asking you if you know Breaker can beat his ass. We all know the answer to that. I’m saying, do you understand he can no longer hurt you?” Pops looked over at Ariyah as if he wasn’t comfortable having this conversation in front of her. I know I didn’t want her ass here. I hated her seeing me like this. She probably thinking this nigga a hypocrite. Hell, I was.

“He’s your father?” I guess she finally put the pieces together.

“That nigga ain’t shit to me,” I managed to grit out.

“If he wasn’t, this wouldn’t be fucking you up.” My head snapped towards pops and I looked at him like he lost his mind.

“You know I don’t give a fuck.”

“If you didn’t, this shit wouldn’t be affecting you like this. It doesn’t mean you love him. What it means is he did some shit to you that you never dealt with.”

“I dealt with it,” I said tightening my jaw. This mufucka was acting like he was on that nigga’s side.

“Did you?” I didn’t answer because we both knew the words out of my mouth would be a lie. We all sat there in silence for a while, when I finally looked over at pops. He was staring at me causing me to finally speak.

“What? Why you looking at me like that creep ass jit?”

“You hungry?” My mouth opened and a laugh slipped out before I could stop the shit.

“No, nigga. The fuck!” Pops shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing.

“I was just asking.” I looked over at Ariyah and she was staring at pops in disbelief before a smirk crossed her face.

“Yup, he damn sure do. I just knew you was lying,” she said in disbelief.

“Told yo ass.” Pops looked at both of us confused.

“What the fuck yall talking about?”

“Nothing!” Both of us responded at the same time. Just like that, I felt normal again. Not better, but normal.

“You ready to get up out of here? You got me sitting on this dirty ass floor. Ain’t no telling what kind of ball sweat done dripped on this shit.” Shaking my head, I laughed in disbelief.

“Mannnn, you do the fucking most. Yeah, I’m ready.” He stood, so I did the same. My legs still felt a little weak, but I was able to pull myself up as well. We walked out the locker room and Titan was staring at me with concern in his eyes. “I’m good.”

“I didn’t say shit,” Titan attempted to brush me off.

“Yeah, but you was thinking it.”

“Nigga, how am I gone control what you think I’m thinking?” Titan made everybody laugh with that one. He was funny, but I was funnier.

“Because you’re on my payroll. That mind belongs to me.”

“I can always quit.”

“Naw, I’m good.” Everyone laughed again as we headed towards the front. I nodded at Titan giving him a silent thank you. The gym was cleared out, so I knew he did it. Someone was always here. I didn’t want anyone to see me at my lowest, so I appreciated him more than he could ever know. Everything was good and I was feeling like myself until we walked outside. The way the hairs stood up on my arms, I knew he was here. My eyes scanned the parking lot, and there he was. Raymond. Still standing there waiting for me. I stopped walking just like last time, but for different reasons.

My body hadn’t shut down; I just didn’t want to have a conversation. The fact that he was still here and the look on his face told me he was going to approach me again. All I wanted to do was lay down and forget this day ever happened. At first, they continued to talk, but pops turned around and noticed I wasn’t moving. He looked around until his eyes landed on Raymond and began walking that way.

“Pops, let’s just go.” Of course, he ignored me and continued.

“You done hiding now? I just want to talk,” Raymond stared at me causing me to drop my head.

“Address me.” Those two words from pops made something in me settle. I didn’t have to talk, face my past, or do anything. He had me, and he wanted me to know that. It’s the safety net he’s always been. Exactly what I needed in this moment.