Page 39 of Everything Changes

Jase wasn’t going to argue that, wasn’t one of those guys who thought medication and shrinks were for pussies. Some things were beyond a person’s ability to cope with, and Jase wanted to be whole for Carey. He couldn’t look at how far Carey had come in his own recovery and not have the desire, or the courage, to help himself too.

The sliding glass door opened, and Carey came out onto the tiny patio, wearing his usual outfit of loose cargo shorts and a tight T-shirt. He glanced around briefly to see if anyone was watching before bending down and placing a gentle kiss on Jase’s lips, stroking his hand over Jase’s cheek.

“Feeling okay?” he asked. When Jase nodded, Carey straightened and leaned against the railing, his bare foot rubbing teasingly back and forth over the top of Jase’s. Jase was warmed by the gentle affection, and love for Carey surged up again, threatening to choke him. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“Anything in particular you want to do today?”

Carey continued to play with Jase’s foot, sliding his toes up and down Jase’s calf.

“You have rehearsal or anything? Or do we have the whole day?”

“Nope, no rehearsal,” Jase said with a pleased grin. “I told Quinn I was taking the entire day off, so I’m all yours.”

Carey bit his lip. “This is probably gonna sound weird, but as much time as I’ve spent here, we’ve never been to the zoo, and that’s something that I’ve always wanted to do.”

Jase lifted his eyebrows, knowing Carey was suggesting the zoo as a way of keeping things light, something Jase desperately needed as he shook off the lingering horror of the dream and subsequent breakdown.

“Fuck, you’re right. Balboa Park and the world-famous San Diego Zoo are something every visitor should see. Where are my manners?” His lips quirked as he said in mock sorrow, “I’ve been a terrible host, haven’t I?”

To his delight, Carey leaned down and caged him against the chair with his arms as he growled huskily, “You’ve been the perfect host. I haven’t been—hosted better in my entire life.”

“Yeah?” Jase breathed. “You enjoying my—hospitality?”

“I think I’d have to give this establishment five stars,” Carey said wickedly, leaning so close that his lips feathered over Jase’s. “And your apartment is nice too.” Jase barely had time to gasp out a laugh before Carey took his mouth, the kiss hot, wet, and deep.

A horn honked somewhere on the street below and they broke apart, both of them breathing hard, arousal thrumming between them. Carey ran his thumb briefly over Jase’s lips, pulling down on the full lower one before letting it go.

“Let’s get outta here before I start something I can’t finish if we want to get to the zoo today.”

“Fuck the zoo” was on the tip of Jase’s tongue, but he bit it back. As much as he would love to drag Carey back to bed, Jase was looking forward to spending some quality time with him out of bed too, some time to bask in the change in their relationship, to talk to him, to be with him. To Jase, Carey would never be just a fuck buddy. He was a vital, necessary part of Jase’s life; sex was just the icing on the cake.

Jase slipped on some comfortable tennis shoes, and they left the apartment and ambled down the sidewalk to where Jase’s Jeep was parked at the curb. After a brief stop for more coffee and a bagel, they wended their way through town until they were on the huge Coronado Bay Bridge, heading toward the freeway and the zoo. As they crested the top of the bridge, two hundred feet over the water, Jase soaked in the view as he always did, then glanced over at Carey.

He had his head tilted back against the seat, sunglasses hiding his eyes, the wind blowing through his silky black hair. Carey’s full lips were slightly parted, his face lifted into the breeze and up toward the sun, and as if Carey had spoken aloud, Jase knew without a shadow of a doubt what was running through his mind at that very moment: gratitude he was alive and well and able to enjoy such a beautiful, peaceful day, those feelings overlaid with resolve to never take such simple pleasures for granted again.

On impulse Jase reached over and laid his hand on Carey’s hair-dusted thigh, his fingertips stroking lightly. Carey didn’t flinch or even look in Jase’s direction, just covered Jase’s hand with his, twining their fingers together. Jase didn’t think he’d ever been happier in his entire fucking life as he drove down a San Diego freeway, holding hands with the man he loved.

THIS HAD been one of the best days he could remember, Jase reflected several hours later. Any time spent with Carey was special, but Jase had reveled in Carey’s quiet pleasure in the huge, sprawling zoo. Carey had wanted to see everything, and it occurred to Jase that because of Carey’s upbringing, there was a chance he’d never actually been to a zoo before. From the little Carey had said about his experiences with his various foster families, it was apparent excursions such as these would have been given little to no priority.

The memory of a conversation they’d had several years ago suddenly resurfaced, and Jase could still feel the biting cold of that night spent outdoors in Afghanistan, huddling with Carey for warmth in that foxhole. They hadn’t been able to sleep due to the frigid temperature, and Carey, spooned behind Jase in a desperate attempt to share body heat, had suddenly spoken.

“This reminds me of high school.”

Jase chuckled incredulously. “Jesus, how? You spent the night outside in the fucking cold in high school?”

There was no answering laugh, and Jase twisted his head around to look at his friend. “What the fuck, Carey?”

There was another long silence before Carey said, “The family I was living with, the dad was an over-the-road truck driver, so he was hardly ever there. My foster mom had to be at work herself at 5:00 a.m., so she used to drop me off at school at four thirty.”

“Why couldn’t you walk to school by yourself at a decent time?”

“It was too far to walk, and the school district we were in charged for bus service. My foster parents didn’t want to pay it, so she dropped me off on the way to the daycare where she left the other kids. I was the oldest.”

“Jesus, Carey, how long did you have to wait for the school to open?” Jase was appalled, thinking of his own high school years, laughing with his buddies, cramming into someone’s car and driving to school with music blasting out of the open windows, thinking themselves oh so cool.

Jase could feel Carey shrug. “It opened around seven or so for breakfast. There was a little doorway that I used to sit in that kept me out of the wind, and sometimes when the heater came on in the school, I could feel a little bit of heat coming out the cracks between the door and the wall.”

“Fuck,” Jase whispered.