Page 38 of Everything Changes

“Rogue Actual, Medic One. Petty Officer Allen is dead,” Jase said bluntly. “Commander Ali was captured by hostiles and—” He couldn’t finish.

“Medic One, Rogue Actual. Solid copy” came the dispassionate response, though Jase knew Vince’s heart had to be breaking over the loss of his teammate. “Birds en route to your location. Over.” The attack helicopters had been recalled at the first sign of Jase’s gunfire.

“Rogue Actual, Medic One. Copy that,” Jase said. “Cleared hot. Over.”

He covered Danny’s body with his own as the birds roared overhead, unleashing hell on the ridge and annihilating those sick motherfucking assholes and their barbaric machetes—Jase watched with grim satisfaction as the ridge once again exploded in flames no one could possibly survive. He raised his head from Danny’s neck to see SEAL team members rushing up the path toward where the two of them lay on the hillside. Jase gently passed his hand over Danny’s sightless, staring eyes and closed them forever.

CAREY KNEW his face had to be white as a sheet as he listened to Jase’s words. He had never once given thought to what Jase had been through after Carey had been evac’d out of Afghanistan, never. He smoothed his shaking hand up and down Jase’s back as he murmured, “Oh fuck, Jase. Oh fuck.”

“And when I dream about it, Carey, it’s you the insurgents are taking away. It’s you I didn’t save, who I watch being dragged—that I hear—” Jase choked.

“Shh, Jase, I’m here,” Carey soothed. “I’m here.” All he could think to do was pull Jase down and hold him close, press his head into his chest so he could hear Carey’s strong, reassuring heartbeat. He knew there were no words he could say to make anything better. Jase had to live with the decisions he’d made and what had happened to him.

Still. “You did the best you could, Jase,” Carey said fiercely. “You did the best you could. It was war. Horrible, awful things happen in war. You did the best you could.”

Jase took a shuddering breath, clutching Carey tightly, snuggling up to him. They lay there quietly for a few minutes before Jase cupped Carey’s face in his hand and sought his lips with his own, kissing him slowly and deeply. Carey linked his arms around Jase’s neck and opened for his tongue, knowing Jase now needed the ease and comfort of Carey’s body.

“Mmm,” he hummed encouragingly, his hand sweeping down Jase’s back to cup his ass, one finger drifting deep into Jase’s cleft to rub and tease, stimulating him the way Jase liked it.

“Make love to me, Carey,” Jase whispered. “I need you.”

Carey gasped and kissed him, thrusting up against Jase’s hip, letting him feel how hard he was, how much he wanted it… and then he realized he didn’t feel an answering hardness along his own hip. Tentatively he moved his hand down between their bodies and cupped Jase’s cock, fondling him carefully, feeling no response at all.

“Carey—” Jase moaned, covering Carey’s hand on his cock with his own and almost frantically stroking. “I’ll get there. I’m sorry—”

Carey tugged his hand away gently, pushing up on his elbow and cupping Jase’s face in his hand, his thumb caressing Jase’s cheekbone.

“It’s just the anxiety attack, Jase. It happens sometimes, you know. I hear about this all the time in my work. It’s okay.”

Jase looked anguished. “It’s not that I don’t want you, Carey. Please don’t think that I don’t want you.”

“Jase, I know you want me. Your body just hasn’t caught up to your brain yet. Come here.” He pulled Jase down against him again, wrapping his leg around Jase’s thigh, anchoring him and holding him close. He suppressed a wince as his erection throbbed, excited as he was by having Jase naked and near.

“Carey, let me suck you off,” Jase’s voice held a wealth of distress. “Let me give you some relief here.”

“Nope,” Carey said firmly. “I won’t die from an unused boner, Jase. I want to save it for you, for later.” Carey grabbed Jase’s ass lewdly, hoping to distract him. “Gonna give it to you good. I’ll make you scream,” he breathed hotly in Jase’s ear.

Jase groaned, and Carey kissed him gently. “Go to sleep, Jase. I’ve got you.”

CHAPTER 11

JASE SAT on his tiny porch with a cup of coffee, watching the busy world go by a few feet from where he sat. His condo in Coronado was small, but it was perfectly situated, off the main drag and still with a view of the ocean. He could walk to his favorite pub and the beach. Quinn’s house, where they always rehearsed, was an easy freeway drive away. The weather was perfect all year round. He had a large circle of friends and his band was on the verge of breaking out of the local scene.

Jase had it all, and he’d give it all up in a fucking heartbeat if Carey asked him to. He knew Carey wouldn’t give up his counseling work at the ranch, and Jase figured if they were going to be together, then he’d have to be the one to make the sacrifices. He’d thought more and more about going back to school to get his RN or even applying for PA school. Combat medics were very competitive for acceptance into tightly regulated PA programs, and he had no doubt he’d eventually get in.

There was no hurry to talk about their future, Jase decided; he didn’t want to push Carey for any sort of decision too soon and fuck things up when they were so new and fragile. At least his johnson had worked fine this morning, he thought contentedly, giving the body part in question a discreet pat as it reacted to the memory of Carey taking him hot, hard and fast a short while ago. Carey had done his best to eradicate the humiliating memory of Jase’s failure to respond the night before. Even though Jase could accept the physiology behind it, as a man in his sexual prime, it was still goddamn hard to take.

Jase could hear Carey banging around in the bathroom as he did his best to give himself a sponge bath and freshen up. He knew Carey couldn’t fully shower if he wanted to put his prosthetic on immediately, since bathing temporarily changed the size and shape of his stump and his prosthetic wouldn’t fit right.

Jase considered going in there and offering to help, heat washing through him as he thought of Carey, naked and soapy as he washed himself with a cloth, between his legs, between those luscious cheeks…. Jase could picture crowding into the tiny bathroom and dropping to his knees for him, but he suppressed that idea, deciding to give Carey a little alone time and privacy after how much the other man had given of himself during the night.

Jase winced as he thought of his nightmare and subsequent breakdown. Two in one week. It hadn’t ever been this bad before, and Jase was coming to the conclusion he needed help. Earlier, while they still lay in bed, Carey had brought it up gently, saying suffering in silence and smoking joints weren’t helping Jase heal.

“What if you have an attack in public, Jase?” he’d said. “You never know when something might trigger you. You just gonna whip out a doobie in front of a mall full of kids, or at a concert with an off-duty cop in attendance? Live in fear every time the ambulance service wants you to take a piss test? You need a legal prescription of an antianxiety med, Jase, that you can carry with you at all times.”

Jase had nodded.

“And you need professional counseling, someone with a combat background to help you process your dreams and the issues that are causing them.”