Page 51 of Can you take it?

“A long time ago, I believe she was a good person. Power does things to people. She was a victim, though I’m sure she’s rolling over in the Elysian Fields, hearing me call her a victim. She never had any power, so she focused on that until it was all she could think about. It ruined her, ate her up inside like a plague or a disease. Eventually, she wasn’t herself anymore.” “How can you still defend her after everything she’s done? Didn’t she kill your father?” she asked, frowning.

“I defend her because she’s my mother, and I am, if nothing else, loyal to a fault,” I said. “How did you even hear about all of this?”

“Word gets around quickly in Tartarus, lots of gossip.”

“What was it like growing up here? It must have been terrifying,” I asked, turning the conversation away from me.

We began walking again, both of us leaving our armor behind. It felt significant.

“It was lovely,” she said.

“How could it have been lovely? A small child in Tartarus… how was that not terrible?” I asked. “It hardly seems like an environment for children to be running around.” I felt protective of all the kids who must’ve ended up in Tartarus.

“Meh.” She shrugged. “It’s not bad. The kids don’t go to the parties. They stay on the other side of Tartarus. Kaohs is very strict about that. Kids aren’t allowed over until they’re eighteen, but even then he typically tries to persuade them to go through the tiers so they can end up where they are best suited.”

“So you grew up not in Tartarus but on a different side?” Her eyes twinkled. “It’s all Tartarus, just like everywhere you go in your realm is Seelie. The castle is only one part. Eromreven is the party space in Tartarus, but there are many, many other parts you didn’t get to see. Kaohs built a mountain that separates the children from Eromreven. He wants to give them the best chance possible to fulfill whatever destiny is meant for them.”

“Wait,” I said, completely confused. “Kaohs doesn’t want the kids to stay in Tartarus? Wouldn’t he want everyone to be in Tartarus, in his world?”

“Not at all,” she said. “Kaohs is a wise, levelheaded man. Yes, Tartarus is where dark fae go to rest, where sinners and liars and cheats come, but it’s so much more than that.”

I snorted and she shot me a look that could have withered my insides. “Please, do tell me how the realm of sinners and liars is so much more, considering they had to build a mountain to separate the children.”

“When you go to the Elysian Fields, you go with just as many sinners and liars, though they’re cloaked in golden lies. Here, they come baring their souls. In Tartarus, you have the chance to change, the chance to reform and be who you truly want to be. Of course, many love their lives—Unseelie in particular love violence and wrath. But not all Unseelie are bad.”

“Yes, I agree,” I said, thinking of Mendax. Though I wasn’t sure I’d necessarily put him in the “not bad” category quite yet. He was a villain through and through, but now the words villain and hero were growing unclear. I started to wonder if maybe we were all just people trying to do our best, the best way we knew how, with what we were equipped with.

“Look at Bexley. No one could go through half of what he’s gone through and come out as wholesome as he has. And I do believe Tartarus is responsible for a good bit of that. Though I hate to say it, I think we failed him miserably. Somehow, he got pushed to the side, mostly because he didn’t want to help himself. I don’t think he believes he deserves it.”

“I think Bexley belongs in the Elysian Fields with me,” I said.

“You know what? You’re right. You fit right in, in the Elysian Fields,” she said, tightening her jaw.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked. “You’re so fake.”

“How am I fake?” I said feeling both wounded and surprised by her words.

“You put yourself up on a pedestal thinking you’re better than everyone because you saved a few people,” she said, growing angry. “You’re awful.”

“I hardly put myself on a pedestal,” I argued. “How am I awful? And how would you know if I’m awful? You don’t even know me.”

“I know enough,” she said. “And you are awful. You put down a place you didn’t even see simply because a few people in your realm told you it was bad. You always assume you’re the good one, and you can’t even be around those less than you without judging them for it.”

“That’s not it at all,” I said.

“But it is!” she shouted. “You wear a chain with my powers around your neck, and you won’t give it to me because you think I don’t deserve it, like you get to decide that because you’re so good and perfect. Well, you’re not good and perfect. You assume the worst in everyone because they look or act a certain way. You’re no better than the others, and it’s time you realize that.”

“Oh, boo on me for judging the murderers.” I rolled my eyes. She was being ridiculous.

“Thank the gods,” she said, moving closer to my face. “What?” I asked.

“Thank the gods my sister dodged that bullet,” she said slowly, looking me up and down.

It felt like I’d been punched in the ribs even though I knew she was just trying to be mean. I looked at her for a moment, thinking over what she said and realizing there was a bit of truth to it. I had assumed it was my responsibility to keep her powers from her, and that she didn’t deserve them, even though, realistically, I didn’t know anything about her. “You’re right,” I said. Her mouth widened in surprise. “I shouldn’t have judged Tartarus right away. I didn’t get to see it. From what I did see, it’s awful, and I hate it. But you’re right, I didn’t see all of it. Even now, what I hear about this place is coming from you, and I’m not convinced you aren’t tricking and lying to me. But you’re right, I am messed up. I’m as messed up as everyone else. But I try to do my best, and I try to be helpful. I try to be a good person.” I paused, letting the words settle between us. “I’m sorry I misjudged you. Though, you do have to give me credit—it’s hard to properly get to know someone like this. It’s hard to know what’s real and what’s not.”

Silence took over the forest until she let out a heavy sigh. “What’s that?” she asked, her head tilted slightly, listening.

I stopped and listened. Faint howling reached my ears, distant but growing louder. “It sounds like wolves?”