Page 104 of Septembers

Min grabbed the plate with one hand and picked up a roll with the other, shoving it into her mouth. “Mother fu⁠—”

“I told you they’re hot!” He shook his head, half a fond smile turning the corner of his mouth up as he scanned the room, his gaze snagging on Theo by the window.

Catching him staring.

And he stared back, those deep, dark eyes burrowing into him. Then he mouthed, You okay?

Theo nodded. Like a liar. And climbed out the window, clutching the rattling railing of the fire escape. The cool air stinging his throat was grounding, so he took deeper and longer breaths. This was it, wasn’t it? Decision made?

Decision was such a laughable way to describe what had just happened to him. He’d been uppercut-punched by his own damn collage—okay, shrine—to Dae.

But now the problem of how to tell him swirled in his gut. What if Dae was too frustrated after years of Theo’s stupidity to give him a chance?

Well, Theo would just have to be a big fucking boy and tell him exactly how he felt. No more bullshit. He’d do this right. He’d write him a letter or a poem or a sonnet. He’d take him to a park or something, with the autumn leaves as a vibrant accent to his confession, and he’d lay it all out there with a perfectly edited, memorized monologue.

His very essence was vibrating with the possibilities.

Maybe he could commission an artist to paint a portrait of them. Or ask Jordan to write him a song, and he’d learn to play the guitar (for real this time) and play it for him at a picnic, and he’d⁠—

Creeeeeeaaaaaaaak.

Theo stood statue-still, every nerve in his body on high alert as the fire escape shifted under him, and by the time he registered the danger, the gap between the railing and the window was a few inches. The fire escape swayed and he fell back into it, watching in horror as the window got farther away. The sound of the metal bending and ripping was different than he’d heard in movies. It was closer, more intimate, like someone screaming in his ear. And he could somehow taste the rust, the cold, and the fear.

“Theo!” Min was at the window, her face full of terror. “Grab my hand!”

He tried, but she was too far. The movement made the balcony shift again, sending their neglected tomato plant clanging over the balconies below, hitting each one like a gruesome preview of what was to come, then smashing on the concrete.

“Don’t move!” Dae’s voice. Dae’s face in the window. Dae’s hand stretching to reach the railing but just too far away.

Dae would be Theo’s regret. The reason his spirit lingered.

More shifting. Metal shrieking. Screams.

“They’re on their way.” Jason.

“We could anchor the railing. Tie a twisted blanket around it.” Dae’s voice was fast, breathless. A natural born problem solver.

“They said not to do anything.”

“Oh God, Theo.” Jordan was not a natural born problem solver. What would she do without him? Dae would be fine, he would be sad and then he would move on. He would help Jordan, and Theo’s mom and aunt. He would take care of them all.

Theo looked down, which made him dizzy, which made him grab onto the railing, which made the balcony shift and squeal again. Stupid.

“Dae!”

“Theo, don’t move!”

“Dae…”

“I’m here. It’s going to be okay. Don’t move.”

“You don’t understand. I love you so much.” He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to command his voice to come out clear and steady, but it wouldn’t. “I’m always thinking about you, and I always want you near me, and the time when you were in Korea was the most miserable period of my life. I missed you so much.”

Movement clattered somewhere, but all Theo could do was suck in a gasping breath, his chest burning, his throat closing with tears.

“I’m so in love with you, Dae. I think I always have been, but I was so fucking scared, because you’re the best thing about my life, and if I messed it up, I knew what I’d be losing, and I just couldn’t, Dae. I couldn’t lose you. I can’t lose you, but I also love you so much that I can’t keep this inside anymore, and I want to try, I want to be with you, I want to be yours. I—” His body shook with sobs and the fire escape rattled. “I am yours.”

It felt like his words were fighting to rip free from somewhere deep inside him that didn’t want to let them go, but each one that made it out reached back for the others, pulling them out too.