Page 103 of Septembers

Theo’s mom and aunt showed up first, handing him a magnum of red wine and a box of donuts. “Jesus Christ, what is that smell?”

Liana floated to the counter like a cartoon and Dae motioned to the platter of yakgwa with a shy grin. “I made dessert.”

“Ohmygod…” Liana moaned through her first bite. “Please bake this for the café.”

His mom shook her head, trying not to laugh as her sister took another dramatic bite. “We’re staying long enough to put a dent in this bottle, and then we’re leaving you youths to party parent-free, as is the custom. Now, I’ll have what she’s having.”

Dae was clearly trying to hide how proud he was about the euphoric sounds coming out of them. In fact, everyone who arrived was beckoned to the kitchen by the smell. Dae lapped it up as much as he could, accepting compliments, hugs, and high-fives, until it all became too much, and he disappeared into his room for a while.

The apartment was crammed with an interesting mix of people. His mom and aunt had already left, so not everyone he loved was within these walls, but it was close. Jordan, Caleb, and Avery were cuddled on his bed having an animated chat with old music club members, and judging by the consistency of Jordan’s dismissive waves, they were likely gushing over the album. Min had brought a university friend who had an obvious crush on Dae (fair enough), a few people from Dae’s latest translation project were hovering in the kitchen, making conversation with people from Theo’s agency, and a raucous group they’d met in a queer intramural sports league were joking around in the living room.

Theo loved the point of a party where one voice was barely indistinguishable from another and everyone was simply contributing to the sound of joy.

Jason laughed beside him. “You’re doing that thing again.”

“Thing?”

He looked handsome, his hair trimmed short and his outfit hugging all the right places. “Yeah, that thing where you marvel at your friends with this dopey grin like you’re about to cry.”

Theo put on a show of sniffing and shaking his voice. “I’m not crying!”

The truth was, moments like this did hit him straight in the chest. There’d been a period in his life when he’d thought he’d never have a community, but here they were, and it was nothing short of magic.

“Theo!” Jordan waved, getting on her knees on the bed to beckon him as if he weren’t a few feet away. Then she flopped back down, impressively not spilling her drink as she gestured at the walls. “Everyone wants to know the story behind the shrine.”

Jason let out a bark of a laugh. “Finally, someone is calling it what it is.”

Theo followed Jason into his room, standing in front of the wall of pictures. “It’s not a shrine; it’s a collage.”

One of the girls shuffled on the bed to make room for Jason and he sat, giving Theo a teasing grin. “Sure, a collage that takes up almost three walls of a grown man’s room.”

“Wait.” The girl beside Jason, who Theo vaguely remembered as a violinist with an amazing laugh, actually held up her hand like she was in class. “So, you didn’t put this up just for the party? Like, as a tribute to you and Dae?”

“What? No.” That would’ve been absurd behaviour. Besides, it wasn’t just him and Dae up there. The pictures included everyone. “This is a tribute to my life.”

He studied it to be able to show receipts but found his throat dry at the realization that…yeah, it was mostly Dae.

Jordan, Jason, Caleb and Avery, his mom and aunt—everyone was up there. But it was like they were supporting characters in the Dae and Theo show. He’d never noticed that before.

The others continued chatting, but Theo couldn’t concentrate on the flow of conversation. His attention kept getting pulled to the pictures.

Him and Dae at the CN Tower, the day Theo had made him pretend to be a tourist. Theo pumping his fist in the air as Dae piggybacked him up a hill. Dae laughing at Theo and Min wearing dumb hats, screaming obscenities at the top of the Hamilton mountain.

He didn’t have any pictures of his childhood or high school. According to his picture-walls, his life began in his first year of university, when he was reunited with Dae. Board game nights, study parties, birthdays, hanging out on the grass in The Circle with the guys, Dae with his notebook, his face intense with concentration, the Golden Girls, Ninja Turtles, and Super Mario costumes, Dae and Theo at his aunt’s café opening, moving day, the Princess Bride group picture, a close-up of Dae in his cheap curly wig, a picture of Theo’s screen during one of their video chats when he was in Korea, Dae’s hair messy and his face puffy. In almost every picture that wasn’t posed, either Dae was looking at Theo, or Theo was looking at Dae.

Holy…fucking…shit. Dae was the gravity in the centre of Theo’s life. From the beginning.

If that wasn’t a sign, he didn’t know what would be. Wasn’t this proof that he could stick around? Proof that he had? The film of the Polaroids caught the sparkling lights, displaying the glaring truth: that Theo had stayed by Dae’s side for years. It didn’t matter what their relationship was. He’d already proven he wouldn’t run away. Maybe the trust he’d been waiting for, the permission, had to come from himself first. And maybe… He let his eyes roam the pictures, the moments, the years spent together. Maybe he’d just given it.

He backed out of his room unnoticed, his head buzzing and his heart pounding, moving through the apartment towards the open window. Steam fogged the glass, making the lights beyond it twinkle.

People talked to him during his journey to the other side of the room, but he had no idea what he said back. Dae was in the kitchen, taking a tray out of the oven.

“They’re sausage rolls,” he said to Min, “and no, you can’t have one yet.”

“I don’t want one anyway,” she said, sticking out her tongue.

Dae used his favourite oven mitts, which were shaped like puppies, to wave away the steam. A piece of hair hung over his forehead as he slid the rolls onto a platter and handed them to Min. “Please take these out but warn everyone that they’re hot.”