Page 101 of Halo

I haven't told Nick about my diagnosis. It's not that I don't want him to know; it's just never come up in conversation. He'll be understanding and supportive, but I am terrified his attraction toward me will shift. I love how he looks at me right now. I don't want any of that to change. I don't want him to see me as something that's broken.

Plus, he's experienced. I don't shame him for that, but surely he has expectations. Will he give up on me when he sees I'm built differently? That I need patience? That oftentimes, my body is not going to cooperate despite anything and everything he does?

There’s a knock at the door.

“Leah, you okay in there?”

Dangit.

“Yeah, um …” I frantically glance around the bathroom, trying to play it cool. “Just a minute!” If there's any hope of me getting any action tonight, I better recruit some help.

Swinging open the cabinet beneath the sink, I rummage through an unmarked shopping bag from an adult toy party Chelsea hosted last year. I hadn't wanted to be seen as a prude, so I'd bought a sour apple-flavored lubricant that was supposed to mimic natural arousal.

Finding the bottle, I skim the directions before squirting a dollop onto my finger.

“Are you sure? I can help if you—”

“That's okay! I swear I'm almost done!” I prop one foot on the toilet seat and apply the lubricant, the cool sensation making me hopeful that maybe tonight would be somewhat enjoyable. After washing my hands, I quickly open the door.

Nick's waiting outside the door with that handsome smirk, his dimple making an appearance. His hands settle on my waist, pulling me against his chest. “You sure everything is fine?”

I hum, rising onto my tiptoes to kiss him. When I pull away, he follows, brushing his lips against mine again.

Then again.

“Leah ...” he murmurs as I kiss him once more. “Leah, hold on.” He gently takes my shoulders, slowing me down. “We don't have to do this tonight.”

I blink. “Do you not want to do this—?”

“No,” he interrupts, his hand cradling my chin. “I want you, and I fucking want this with you. I've been wanting to do this with you since the moment I first saw you behind the bar in those cute jeans and those marker stains on your damn hands.”

I grin softly. “Then what is it?”

“I need to know that this is what you want.” His eyes search mine. “You need to be ready. And if that means I have to wait—that we need to wait, then we wait.” He brushes his thumb across my bottom lip. “You are worth every single second.”

Oh …

I'm not sure what ready feels like or if I ever will be. But I do know that I want this man. I know I am safe in his arms.

“Kiss me,” I whisper.

His mouth crashes against my lips as he backs me into the doorframe, his fingers buried in my hair. His tongue tangles with mine, the taste of mint and spice teasing a warmth low in my belly.

The kiss is demanding and hungry as he coaxes soft, helpless sounds from the back of my throat.

And gosh, I need to give him more.

My hands slip around his neck as I surprise him with a playful nip. A laugh rumbles from his chest before he scoops me up. My legs find his waist on instinct, wrapping around him as he holds me close.

Our kiss never breaks as he carries me into the bedroom. He sits me down on the mattress gathering the hem of my dress and lifting it over my head. The sudden rush of cool air brushes across the bare skin as he lays me back gently.

His thumbs hook into my panties, slipping them over my hips as his mouth trails tender kisses down the slope of my neck, between my breasts, and across my abdomen.

Then he stops.

He flashes me a curious grin. “Um … is there a reason you smell like a Jolly Rancher?”

I jerk upright, my thighs clamping shut. “I—um ...”