Page 100 of Halo

“She thought I was crazy.” He chuckles. “She had me smell just about everything in the shop. Roses. Gardenias. Lilies. Nothing was right. Then she handed me this sample-vial-oil-thing of peony.” His smile softens. “The second I smelled it, I knew.”

I stare at him.

“But peonies are out of season.”

“That's what she said.” He laughs. “Several times. She finally tracked some down from a grower in South America and had them shipped in.”

I shake my head, still trying to piece it together. "But when did you—"

“Stop” He laughs, gently pressing a finger to my bruised lips. “You're ruining the magic.”

I smile against his fingertip.

“No …” I whisper. “I'm discovering how much you did for me.”

His expression softens.

“You're worth it, Leah.”

Oh …

I'm in so much trouble.

I think I'm falling for this man. This man who goes out of his way to make me happy, to make me feel special, to make me feel safe. This man who stops the second I flinch and accepts my no without question. This man who respects me and my body.

Maybe that's why falling for him is so terrifying because for the first time, I'm beginning to understand what it feels like to be cherished by someone other than the church.

And it's so much better.

Chapter 24

Leah

Okay, Leah, you can do this.

He’s a gorgeous man who wants you sexually, and you are not going to get in your head. You've got this.

At least I hope I've got this.

The drive back to my place was quiet, the hum of anticipation building with each mile. Nick rested his hand on my knee, his thumb idly tracing figure-eights across my bare skin. His gentle touch says everything.

He cares.

He is safe.

Angus greeted us—well, he greeted me; he growled at Nick. After a few pats and snuggles, my precious little hippo tolerated my date enough for me to excuse myself to the bathroom.

Who am I kidding? I ran and hid. Very mature for a woman wanting to have sex.

That's just it: for most people, sex is simply two people coming together and stimulating one another for pleasure.

And I know this ... except now I'm hiding in a bathroom because sex has never been that simple. It's always been something ordained by God, between one man and his wife. It's always been don't make men stumble into sin because of your body. Desire and arousal become complicated when you've been conditioned to believe they're evil.

I know better. I have learned over the years that love and sexuality are beautiful and should be celebrated. For whatever reason, though, I can't seem to extend that freedom to myself. The kiss Nick and I shared tonight was unlike anything I'd ever experienced, and all I want is to do it again and again.

Except somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, shame found me again.

As if my relationship with intimacy isn't bad enough ... Endometriosis makes lubrication an issue for me—a really big issue—and after I went through chemo, my vaginal dryness made sex incredibly painful.