Page 60 of If I Didn’t Have You

“Okay, I’m going to be brutally honest here, and I don’t want you to be upset.”

Nothing good ever came out of words like that.

“Momma, you’ve been dressing like an old lady as long as I can remember. You don’t do your hair because you’re always on the run, doing everything for everyone else, and it aged you. I was starting to think of you as an old grandmother instead of my mom.”

Okay, that was definitely brutally honest.

“For so long, you haven’t changed your style. You’ve walked around scolding everyone for the way they talk, and you bake like it’s the only joy in your life. And if you were happy with that, I wouldn’t say a thing. But you’re not happy, and ever since you landed in the hospital, I’ve seen that sad look on your face, and I was hoping something would change. Because you’re not eighty years old, despite what your previous wardrobe suggested. You do have other joys in life besides baking, and I haven’t heard you correct anyone’s grammar in weeks!”

I chuckled at that. “Well, I only yelled at you for swearing because you were growing up, and I didn’t want all the families in town to think we taught you to curse right out of the womb.”

“But we’re not kids anymore, and despite what Jeff says, none of us needs you to cook our meals for us. It’s time to live for yourself and stop worrying if your kids have everything they need. If we do, we’ll come to you.”

I didn’t like the idea of walking away from any of them, but she was right. I did need to step back.

“Then I have something to tell you.”

“Go for it.”

I took a deep breath, refusing to back down. “I am not your babysitter whenever you need me. I’m happy to help out, but if I come to the bar for a drink, it’s not so you can hand Willa off to me.”

A slight smile tilted her lips. “I can deal with that.”

“But I still want snuggles,” I hurried on. “I love Willa with all my heart. But I want to show up at the bar, and one day, possibly get drunk.”

“Momma!” she gasped.

“Well, do you know how long it’s been since I actually allowed myself to get good and wasted?”

“Probably never.”

She was right about that. Getting married at eighteen and a son quickly following, I wasn’t sure alcohol and I had ever had a good chance to be properly introduced.

“Well, we’ll fix that. Girls night tonight, and I won’t take no for an answer!”

18

BEN

Light pierced my eyeballs with what felt like tiny needles. I hadn’t felt like this in years, and it wasn’t just the pounding in my head. My stomach churned, begging me to release the contents of my stomach, but when I tried to get up, it was like a bowling ball was rolling around on my shoulders.

I groaned just as a bucket was shoved under my face.

Ten minutes later, I felt slightly better, but that was only because the room was darker.

“Where the hell am I?”

“My house,” Krista said, not that I could see her, but I would recognize my own daughter’s voice anywhere.

“Why am I here?”

“Because JR called all your sons, and they all told him to leave you on the floor. Luckily, you have a daughter who’s fucked up enough in her life to know that sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you can fix things.”

She plopped on the couch beside me, shoving a glass of tomato juice in my face. “Drink it.”

I groaned, but wasn’t given much of a choice when she pinched my nose and tried to force it down my throat.

“I’ve got it!” I snapped.