Page 58 of If I Didn’t Have You

“And then he stood up and told the whole bar that murder would get you twenty-five years, but marriage was a life sentence!”

“He didn’t,” Mrs. Sellers gasped. “Poor Clara⁠—”

Her eyes went wide when she saw me sitting in the chair. At first, I didn’t realize she was talking about me—or that the man who had said such horrible things was my husband.

But when her eyes dropped in horror, the truth smacked me in the face like a wet rag.

When I said those words to Ben the other night, I thought I would be taken seriously, that he would hear the pain in my voice and maybe just once try to understand where I was coming from.

But what I was hearing painted a very different picture.

“I’m so sorry, Clara,” Mrs. Walker rushed over, trying to cover her blunder. “I’m sure it was just gossip.”

I shot her a tight smile, hoping I came across as unbothered by her words when I was really dying inside. “Most of what’s said in town is gossip.”

But when I looked at Lizzy, I knew it wasn’t just gossip. I knew she wasn’t working last night, but Ryder was there, which meant he probably already filled her in on what happened, and that was the reason for her drop-in this morning.

Well, I could sit down and cry about it, or I could stand with my head held high.

“Let’s do it, Katie.”

“Are you sure?” she beamed. “Oh my gosh. You’re going to love it. I promise!”

To hell with Ben’s feelings. I was doing this for me, and I was going all in.

“I love it so much!” Lizzy said for the tenth time as we headed down the street to the tattoo parlor.

I couldn’t stop touching my hair—or lack thereof. I had never had my head shaved before, but now that I did, I found it very freeing. As Lizzy suggested, the sides were shaved down to an inch, and the top was longer. I had a bag filled with supplies to style my hair every day, though I doubted I could do it the way Katie had.

“Daddy’s never going to recognize you!” she laughed.

Sadness punched my square in the chest, but I shoved it deep down, focusing on this amazing and freeing feeling. It was like I was a new woman, and nothing could wipe the smile off my face.

When I stepped into the darkness of the tattoo parlor, a sense of apprehension rushed through me, but Lizzy was right; I needed something edgy to go with my new look.

Jack looked up from his chair where he was doing a tattoo for Ellie May across her chest. She twisted her head, blushing slightly when she saw me standing in the entryway.

“Here for a tattoo?” Jack asked, his eyebrows high.

“Um…actually, I’m here for an earring. A piercing,” I corrected as nerves fluttered through me.

“She wants a helix,” Lizzy beamed. Where I once felt dangerous, like I was living on the wild side, now I felt like a fraud. Ellie was getting a freaking tattoo, and I thought I was edgy to get a piercing.

“Here’s your water—” Ryder said, walking out of the back room, stalling for only a second when he saw us in the doorway.

“You’re getting a tattoo,” I remarked, still shocked. “I’m only getting a piercing. I thought I was being edgy, but I guess that’s nothing compared to…whatever you’re getting.”

“Come see,” she smiled, something I didn’t see very often from her.

I was hesitant at first, not wanting to intrude, but as I got closer, I gasped in amazement. Bright pink burst from a flower on her left breast over her heart, and underneath scrolled Still I Rise.

“Wow,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes as I remembered seeing her just days after her attack. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s a lotus flower,” she beamed, taking Ryder’s hand in hers.

This girl was so brave. After all she had been through, she pushed through the darkness and had found a way to smile again. And through it all, Ryder was by her side, never once faltering. They were the ultimate couple.

I had no words to describe how proud I was of her, to see her coming through all that pain and fighting back when she could have shriveled up in a corner somewhere. So, instead, I slid my hand on her shoulder and gave a squeeze.