Page 56 of If I Didn’t Have You

“Yeah, a lifelong attachment and cold food,” Tanner chuckled.

I grabbed my glass and the nearest piece of metal, clinking it against my own glass. “I’d like to make a toast to the happy couple,” I said drunkenly. “May your marriage be short and your lives be long. After all, murder will get you twenty-five years, but marriage is a life imprisonment.”

I laughed just as a fist slammed into my face and the lights went out.

17

CLARA

I scrubbed the floors harder than I ever had in my entire life.

Would it bring my husband home? Probably not, but when he did walk through that door, I wanted there to be nothing to fight about.

I squeezed my eyes closed as the brush slipped and knocked my knuckles hard against the floor. Sitting back, I cradled my hand against my chest, trying my damndest not to cry. This wasn’t the way my renewal of life was supposed to go.

My days were supposed to be filled with happiness and joy, not tears and worries that I’d never see my husband again.

And yet, I knew I had done the right thing.

When I saw him in the gym, attacking Deke for absolutely no reason, something in me broke. Hope that my husband would take my words to heart fled the building, and I was left standing there, holding my heart in my hands.

Why couldn’t he see what he was doing to us? To himself! He was so angry that he was blinded to everything around him—good or bad.

That he was ruining us.

“Momma?” Lizzy called out, the screen door slamming behind her.

I quickly brushed the tears from my eyes and got to my feet, leaving the bucket of dirty water on the ground. “Lizzy!” I beamed, hoping my eyes didn’t betray me.

“Hey,” she said sadly, as if all it took was one look at me to know something was wrong.

“Where’s Willa this morning?”

“She’s having a girls’ day with Bailey and Krista. I needed the break.”

“Well, you deserve it. So, what are you doing with your freedom?”

“Actually, I was thinking we could hang out.”

I tucked several strands of wild hair behind my ear, only for them to pop out again, fuzzing around my face. “Well, I was just cleaning, but I’m up for anything. What did you have in mind?”

“I thought we could do something you wanted.”

My hair fell in my face again, annoying me beyond measure. “Well, if you really want to do something with me, you’ll take me to get my hair cut.”

“Same as always?” she asked, almost sounding bored at the prospect.

I was about to tell her yes, but the way my hair was falling all over the place, annoying the heck out of me, I was almost tempted to tell her to shave the whole thing off.

I huffed out a laugh as I thought of the look on Ben’s face.

“What?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I was just imagining the look on your father’s face if I shaved my head.”

“Well, I’m not sure you want to shave it all off, but you could get it cut.”

“Aren’t I too old for that? I mean, I don’t want to end up like my mother with rollers in her hair and blue curls.”