Page 55 of If I Didn’t Have You

“Somethin’s goin’ on with that boy. Remi and Wayne are fine. Fighting as usual, but Levi…”

“Did he ever tell you why he left?”

Tanner shook his head, taking a sip of whiskey. “Not sure he’ll tell anyone. That boy is as silent as the lamb. His mother, on the other hand…that woman won’t stop nagging him.”

“Now, that I can commiserate with,” I chuckled.

“That why you’re not living at home?”

“Yeah, it was because I didn’t match my socks when I put them away,” I laughed.

“Tell me about it. You know, I got yelled at one morning because I didn’t put the toilet paper roll on the right way.” He twisted, giving me an incredulous look. “Can you believe that? Were you aware there was a wrong way to put on toilet paper?”

“It has to roll from the top!” Bud shouted across the bar. “Anything else, and you’ll end up with a black eye! Trust me!”

I wasn’t sure Clara would ever take things that far, but Bud’s comment started a debate around the bar over which way you were supposed to put on the toilet paper. Whiskey was poured consistently over the next hour, flowing from the bottle like water. By the time I hit my third glass, I wasn’t so sure drinking was a good idea.

“You roll from the top so you always know where it is!” Roger Flemming shouted.

“No, it’s from the bottom!” This time, Pastor O’Donnell got up, rather drunk as he stumbled over to Roger. “You always pull from the bottom. Anything else is just stupid!”

Chuckling, I finished my glass and tapped the rim for another. “If that was only the least of my issues.”

“What exactly did she kick you out over?”

“Not sure,” I grumbled, lying through my teeth. “Maybe it was because I left a wet towel on the bed.”

Tanner laughed. “Do that nearly every morning. You know what I hate?”

I grunted in answer.

“When you put a pair of jeans over the laundry basket to use for the next day, and then you get yelled at because you didn’t put them in the basket! Woman, they weren’t in the basket because I was going to wear them again!”

I laughed at that, having done that so many times before. “Don’t they know that you don’t change clothes every day when you’re on a ranch? There’s dirty, and there’s dirty.”

“And they’re not dirty until there’s mud caked on!”

I took another swig, nodding along. “Oh, and what about socks?”

“Please! Socks inside out or not, they still get cleaned! Do women think they only get washed properly if they’re right side out?”

“And what about my damn shoes? Do you know how many times a day my woman bitches at me about cleaning off my shoes before I come into the house? It’s a fucking ranch! Get used to it!”

“Exactly! And what about farting in bed?”

“Oh, please. Like you can help it. You’re sleeping!”

“And if you don’t like it, don’t make food that makes a man fart!”

“It’s not like I do it on purpose,” I laughed. “Hell, it’s a natural bodily function. They do it, too!”

“They do! Oh, but we can’t talk about that. We wouldn’t want anyone to know that a woman passed gas!”

A fork tapped against a glass, bringing the attention in the bar to a smiling couple in the corner, interrupting our hilarious conversation.

“I would just like to announce to everyone that I’ve asked Jolene to marry me, and she’s said yes!” Dirk grinned.

I rolled my eyes, turning back to my drink. “Big whoopty doo. You know, he’s only happy now because he doesn’t realize what he’s in for.”