Page 54 of Theta

"Because you're not an idiot."

"Welllllll?" I ask, drawing it out in a squeaky timbre, for humor value. "I also may have learned that the hard way. Not like that poor dumb doofus did, but I learned."

"Killy, c'mon."

"Here's my take, okay? I think you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. On TV or in real life, naked or clothed. Your body is—" I shake my head. "You have the body of a goddess. And the fact that your butt is not a cute, tiny little thing is, in my personal opinion, a damned good thing. There's nothing wrong with tiny butts, just like there's nothing wrong with big ones. It's all a matter of perspective, right? And my perspective is that you have a perfect ass."

"Killy, you're mincing words."

"I'm being tactful. The guy hurt your feelings, left you with an insecurity that still bothers you years later. The last thing I want to do is make it worse."

She reaches up and cups my jaw. "Killy, that's sweet. But you won’t. For one thing, that guy didn’t…care about me. Not the way you do."

"The word is love, but yes."

"That's a different conversation. And a big one."

"I know."

"So what I hear you saying is that I do have a big ass, but it's a good thing, and the guy was just so caught up in the moment that he used the wrong word?"

"I mean, yeah? Basically? I don't know, Story. Obviously I wasn't there and I don't know him. Maybe he was just an idiot and an asshole."

"An idiot, yes. An asshole?" She sighs. “No, he wasn't. He didn't mean to hurt my feelings. I’m honestly as much, if not more, upset that I still have his voice in my head saying, 'get that fat ass over here,' whenever someone sees me naked for the first time than I am about what he said. I hate that I worry whoever it is will think I have a fat ass."

"But is it the word ‘fat’ that sticks, or the idea that your ass isn't—I dunno—smaller?"

"Both?" she says, uncertainly. "He used the word fat. It bothered me. It stuck. And I've done all the usual things to make it smaller, or at least tighter, and seem to get nowhere."

"I've been obsessed with your ass since I was thirteen, Story. I love it exactly how it is. I love the size of it. I love the shape of it. And I love those things all the more now that I've had the privilege of seeing it naked and getting to touch it."

"Privilege? Killy, you're a nutcase."

"It is a privilege, Story!” I protest. "To be with you at all is a privilege. To know you. To be your friend, let alone to be with you in a romantic or sexual context. You amaze me, you inspire me, you challenge me. And yeah, you turn me on. You're so fucking sexy it makes me crazy."

She turns her face into my belly. "You're killin’ me, Killy.” She covers her face with both hands, holds a lungful of air for a four-count, and then lets it out slowly through her palms.

“Can I ask you about something else?” I say.

She nods. “You can ask.”

"The bossy in the bedroom thing."

She leaves her hands on her face for a while, and I let her take her time thinking. "That's a bit of a bigger issue."

"More idiot men and their thoughtless and cruel assholery?"

"I wish it was that simple."

"You don't have to explain anything, Story." I slide the pad of my thumb over her lips, and she nips playfully at my thumb. "All that really matters to me is that I really fucking liked it."

To my horror and confusion, my words, instead of reassuring her, cause tears to spring to her eyes and trickle in gravity-curved trails down her cheeks. "Oh, my sweet Killy."

10

The Hard Shit

"That felt a little condescending, to be honest," Killian says.