Page 53 of Theta

"I guess your life can change in an instant, huh?"

She snorts. "Quit exaggerating, goofball."

"I'm not!" I protest. "After that, I'll never be the same."

"Neither will I," she answers in a quiet voice.

Another long silence.

"Story," I start, and then pause, trying to find the right words for my question. "Maybe I’m imagining things or seeing stuff that wasn't there, so correct me if I'm wrong, but it seemed like there was some stuff that you…” I trail off again, with a huff of self-effacing laughter. "I can't figure out what I'm trying to ask."

"Bluntly, Killy. You won't hurt me or make me mad, I promise. I know that whatever you're curious about, it's not coming from a place of cruel intent."

"Jesus, of course not."

She shakes her head. "It's not always as obvious as you'd like to think, babe."

"Someone was cruel to you."

She nods, looking away, blinking. "Yeah."

"Care to share?"

She lets out a long, slow breath. "Do I want to talk about it? No, not really. But I will answer any question you ask me. You deserve the truth." She shrugs, shakes her head. "There are no giant bombs in my past, Killy—not that you don’t already know about, I mean. Just the sad reality that a lot of men are assholes." Another sigh, this one thoughtful. "I mentioned Jocko. His insecurity. Right? Possessiveness. Jealousy. All that. Jocko was just the one that sort of broke my will to date, I guess you could say."

"Oh geez, I don't like the sound of that," I say.

"If you want my entire dating history, I'll give it to you, my number included, if you want." She looks at me. "I'm not trying to have any secrets from you. And it's not a secret. I just haven't had the best of luck with guys."

"You don't owe me anything, Story, but I want to know everything there is to know about you. I just don't want to pry into things that are too hard or painful or just personal." I consider for a moment. "How about you tell me what you feel comfortable telling me? As little or as much as you want. Ball's in your court."

She rotates and scoots to lay lengthwise on the couch, her head on my lap and her legs curled, heels tucked against her butt; she takes one of my hands and toys with it with both of hers, idly and affectionately. "Just tell me what you want to know. Tell me what you think you saw that concerns you."

"You seemed…I dunno. Insecure, maybe. About your hips."

"You mean my giant ass."

"You mean your big, beautiful, perfect ass?"

"Keyword being big."

"Keyword being perfect."

She sighs. "I don't know too many women that aren't at least a little insecure about the size of their butt, Killy, be it too big or too flat. It can be a debilitating insecurity. Mine’s always been a little bigger than I'd like, and no matter what I do, it's always just been a little disproportionately too big for the rest of my frame. As you may have noticed, I'm kind of on the shorter side. I'm not overweight, and I know I'm fit and strong, I just—" she sighs, covers her face. “The fact is, one dude said one stupid, thoughtless thing about the size of my ass, and it just got stuck in my head. And it was years ago!" she shakes her head, laughing. "I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does."

"What'd he say?"

"Well, that's the thing. He claims, and I believe him, that he meant it as a compliment."

I wince. "Oh, shit. That's the worst."

"He said I have a fat ass. The context—" she blinks at the ceiling. "We were, um—somewhere between third base and home, if you know what I mean. And he—he smacked my butt. Told me to get my fat ass over there."

I grimace, huffing. "Ooh. Yeah, not a good move."

"I mean, I suppose if the girl is, like, super confident about her ass, maybe. But I can't see any woman I know taking it as a compliment if a guy says, during sex, that you have a fat ass." She flicks her gaze to mine. "Thoughts?"

"Well, as a guy who tends to be attracted to, um…bigger backsides, I get where he was probably coming from. He probably really did mean it as a compliment, and a significant one, at that. I'm not defending his word choice, and I'd certainly never use that particular word in reference to any part of a woman's body in any context."