Page 35 of Crossing the Line

“Love can be messy, but in a good way. You can find home in a person you love.” Ryan paused for a moment, as if he was considering his words carefully. “Are you and Kelsie having problems?”

I snapped my head up, meeting his eyes. “Why do you ask that?”

“Come on, Damien. Everyone can see that she’s crazy about you.” Ryan chuckled. “Well, everyone but you can see it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t my place to say anything if she wasn’t ready. Besides, I thought you’d figure it out eventually, along with how you feel about her.”

How did I feel about her?

Days ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to say she was my friend, and nothing more. But that wasn’t a bad thing in my eyes. I could count on a friend. A friend wouldn’t cheat on me like Amy did or grow to resent me the way that my parents resented each other. A friend was someone who I could depend on without having to be perfect, someone that didn’t make demands and allowed me to be myself.

But now, I knew that what we had was more than friendship. Kelsie was right. We were closer than friends all along, even if we’d never gotten physical before now.

She was the person I cared about more than anyone in the world, the one who made me feel protective and happy and worried. She was the person I texted when I was bored because she was always entertaining. She was my hiking buddy and the one I watched scary movies with. Her laugh never failed to bring a smile to my face.

I would do anything for her.

Except open my damn eyes and see what was right in front of me.

What the hell was wrong with me? How could I have thought that we were just platonic friends for the past two years?

Kelsie was mine all along, and I’d wasted so much time.

“I ruined this,” I said in a weak voice, my heart sinking. “She told me she’s no longer infatuated with me. She’s happy to just stay friends.”

Ryan didn’t have anything to say to that. His hand landed on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze that was probably meant to be comforting. I just wanted to throw up.

What the fuck have I done?

Chapter Fourteen: Kelsie

Istared at my phone, indecision tying my stomach in knots. Henry wanted to meet with me. Tonight.

I already told him that I had to attend the rehearsal dinner, so he offered to come to the resort afterward to have a drink together. There was no reason I shouldn’t agree to this. He was a nice, good-looking guy with a sexy English accent. I might not have felt a serious spark with him when we met, but he seemed like good company and getting a drink together didn’t have to be a big deal.

So, why did I feel guilty at the thought?

I knew the answer to that, of course, but it frustrated the hell out of me. Having sex with Damien this afternoon didn’t change a thing about my single status or our friendship.

The back of my neck tingled, and I looked up from my phone and found Damien staring at me. We were standing in a group with the rest of the groomsmen and bridesmaids, and everyone was making small talk while the resort’s staff set up the last of the chairs for tomorrow’s ceremony. We weren’t standing by each other, and I glanced around to make sure no one else noticed the way he was watching me with an unreadable expression. To my relief, no one seemed to be paying attention.

The men and woman in the wedding party were paired off to walk down the aisle made of wooden planks between the chairs set up on the beach. As best man, Damien was standing with Jess, since she was the matron of honor. When the music started playing, Ford and Angela would go first, followed by me and Jake. Finally, Damien and Jess would walk together just before Leanne came out to join Ryan at the arch. Aunt Cathy had gone over it with us all three times, as if she was worried that we’d forget something so simple.

I was a couple of minutes late arriving to the rehearsal, trying to work up my nerve to see Damien after what happened in my room earlier. It worked out in my favor because Aunt Cathy was eager to get things started, meaning that I didn’t have a chance to make awkward conversation with the man I had meaningless sex with this afternoon.

Or rather, what was supposed to be meaningless sex. I didn’t think that I could ever be intimate with Damien without feeling something, but I did my best to bury any tender emotions that rose to the surface during the act and put distance between us right away afterward.

I understood that it was just sex. Damien might not have felt the same way about me as I did him, but there was no denying that our physical compatibility was off the chart. I understood his desire to go there again, and it was easy to give in when his mouth was on mine and his hands explored my body.

But I wouldn’t be foolish enough to let my heart hope for more again. If Damien was looking for a friends with benefits arrangement, that was fine, but I wasn’t going to make myself exclusively available to him for that. I wanted more than sex from a man, and if that was all Damien would give me, I was going to keep my options open.

I sent a confirmation text to Henry, telling him I’d meet him in two hours at the bar of the resort. Then, Aunt Cathy started playing music on her phone, since the musician who would be playing the acoustic guitar at the ceremony wasn’t present for the rehearsal. Immediately, Ford and Angela made their way down the aisle between the folding chairs, headed to the arch where Ryan was waiting.

Aunt Cathy stood beside him, her sharp eyes watching the progression. When they were about halfway to the arch, she called out to us. “Kelsie and Jake, start walking now. Then, Damien and Jess, you guys come when they’re about halfway down the aisle.”

Jake held out his arm with a smirk. “Try not to fall in love with me during our walk, okay?”